Mommy

My mum is a teacher. At least she used to be one until she realized that the kids she had at home were far worse than any class of unruly devils she could discipline, so she quit her job in despair. What is it they say about trying to improve the world outside when the problem is right at home? Something like that. Poor ma. At least that’s how *I* tell the story. So anyways, I think her teaching gene has been passed on to me. On that note, there is something I’ve realized recently — my life can be divided into phases with regards to my mom —

The nine stages of my evolution

  1. Pooped on my mom
  2. Was in awe of my mom
  3. Disliked my mom
  4. Swore I would never be like my mom
  5. Proud that I was completely unlike my mom
  6. Horrified and emotionally scarred when I started seeing signs in me, of my mom
  7. Denied that I am turning into my mom
  8. Resigned myself to the truth that I am like my mom
  9. Proud that I *am* my mom

Is it just me or is this normal? Do guys go through something similar with their dads maybe?

Oh .. I was saying something wasn’t I? Ah yes, the teacher part. I’ll save that for another post.

33 thoughts on “Mommy

  1. Sagnik Nandy

    well i “am” a lot like my mom too and my sis and i keep fighting over that – dad tries hard to lure us with his “qualities” saying that being like him will etitle us to those but both me and sis pass on that offer :)

    interestingly the start of ur post reminded me of something my mom says – every time we asked her for a pet she said “no thank you, i have two children”. cheers.

  2. Paddy

    >guys go through something similar with their dads?

    Hmmm..I guess Life is simple for guys. You just know what you want to know about your dad and thats it.Never tried to become like him or not him etc. I guess I am unable to assess that. :)

  3. . : A : .

    My personal observations on this is that, for guys it swings to 2 extremes. Just like, or just the opposite.

    Either way, there are not so many phases, but the end result is the same.

    ;-)

  4. Megha

    [Sagnik] Do all moms co-conspire to come up with these lines or something? My mum gave me the same excuse each time — when I wanted a cat, a dog, a horse, a goat, an ant farm .. well you get the picture :)

    [Paddy] You sure have it easy then. A lot of it just happens without trying, I guess. Mostly just an in-retrospect observation ..

    [.:A:.] How nice and simple! Or maybe I just like to overcomplicate it ;)

    [Anand] Not fair! I did ask a guy’s opinion too!

  5. Sriram

    Megha, one major difference between guys and girls is, we guys don’t *think* about stuff like this and waste our time. Instead, we devote that time to other important activities like drooling over beautiful blonde girls or going to other people’s blogs and leaving comments like these! (wink)

  6. Calvin

    Hey, I guess in our cases, the scene is a bit different. Its not like becoming like our dads, but what they wanted to be in their lives. Thy never had had this choice of choosing their professions. The Indian economy wasn’t the same, and there were few opportunities. Hence, it was family business kinda stuff. Its something like the DDLJ scene where Anupam Kher tells SRK that he has to live two youths, one for himself and one for his dad. I have no idea how well I’m faring, but, we do still try our level best.

    The nine stages of my evolution
    Pooped on my dad
    Was in awe of my dad
    Disliked my dad
    Swore I would never be like my dad
    Proud that I was completely unlike my dad
    Horrified and emotionally scarred when I realised even he disliked what he was
    Denied that I wanted to fulfill his dreams
    Resigned myself to the truth that I am indeed traversing path he wanted me to
    Proud that I have made him see his destiny in mine

  7. Megha

    [Sriram] Good to know. I feel so wise now :) And why only blondes? Why the bhed-bhaav?

    [yet another1] I do too. I guess my post was about how I evolved through many stages to get to where I am today. Its nice to see you drop by! :)

    [AJ] Hmm, true they do say that. I definitely idolize my dad plenty :) But at the same time, we look for same-gender role models to an extent too, I think. I’ve known guys to look to their elder brother or father as their inspiration, for instance. Guess its a combination of many things?

    [Prasad] Isn’t it nice how we blame all our quirks either on our parents or on the zodiac sign we are born under? ;) ‘Why do I lose my temper so easily? Oh I get that from my mom‘ .. ‘Why am I so fickle and moody? Oh that’s cos i’m a Gemini!‘ Stuff like that. I do it plenty too :)

    [Fun_Da_Mental] Thankoo thankoo. And likhing, likhing soon!

    [suneet] ‘Proud that I have made him see his destiny in mine‘ .. very wonderfully put. I think a lot of us live the double life. One for our parents’ sake and one for ours. Trying to walk that tightrope, surely keeps us on our toes, sometimes :)

  8. iii

    dad comment made me think of 2 opj’s
    1)
    Guy to another guy…I wanted to become a doctor just like my dad!
    second guy: wow I didnt know your dad was a doc.
    First guy: Er…hes not..he just wanted to be one 2

    2)
    guy to another guy:
    what do u do for a living?
    second guy: i help my dad
    first guy: what does he do?
    second guy: nuthing!

  9. Megha

    [iii] *chuckle* :)

    [divya] Ah, that’s nice!

    [shantanu] Hmm, so you’re a hybrid! :)

    [a-hem] Ah, then you will commiserate. Maths! And I thought I had it bad with English and Geography..

  10. Ardra

    Megha!
    was reminded of one of Natasha Josefowitz’s poems when I read your post:

    Sometimes I sound just like my mother
    and I’m shocked at what crosses my lips
    I used to think I’d never say things like that
    but now and then I do
    Sometimes I catch a glimpse in the mirror
    and I’m shocked- I look just like my mother
    Is this her immortality to continue to live thru me?

  11. Megha

    [Sriram] Hmm, i’m not much of a sports-writer, so don’t know how much I can contribute, but maybe you could write from the angle of how a dynasty is not made of just one person. It takes a team to make a dynasty. And how they always keep their eye on the prize, never losing focus. For example, I remember mid-season when the Pats got their record 19th straight win, breaking the NFL record held by the Miami Dolphins until then. The Pats brushed it off as always with a ‘it doesn’t mean anything if we don’t go on to play the championship‘. Stuff like that. Does that help?

    [Ardra] Lovely.. thank you for sharing this poem!

  12. Twisted Fate

    hey there! thanx for dropping by.
    Really like your posts.
    lucky for me my mum teaches kindergarten kids…but I do agree, the mannerisms could be as specific as to how I gesticulate with my hands, use my eyes for expressing things and even those little chuckles that come up so surprisingly in conversation…
    They sound eerily similar.The things that genes can do to you!

  13. John

    Everyone at certain stage of life gets some (is it all?? :-P) of the qualities of their parents..Guys it is mostly from dad, while ladies it’s mom :-D..I agree with that view

  14. nandha

    i dont understand y us indians r so hung up on our parents especially on our mothers.it isnt like v r the only ones in the world with mothers. but v r the only country who has heightened mothers to the status of gods, in the same tradition as v built temples 4 our superstars.granted they gave birth & brought us up ,but that is a choice they made as a means of fulfilling their own wishes & dreams of having a family. That is vat people do all over the world, not just here in india. But it is only in india that parents use the excuse of “i bore u in my tummy for 9 months” to control their kids’ life even after he/she is well into his/her midlife. It is so shamefull that our parents bring us upto be mamas’ boy or papas’ girl and v remain that way all our lives. All the decisions in our lives r made 2 please them.From what major to take in college to what profession to get into to who to get married to every major decision in ones’ life is made to please or to b in agreement vith ones’ parents. Or else ur mom starts bawling , ur pa starts shouting & ur ma&pa gives u a laundrylist of all they’ve done 4 u since u ver born.And u become the black sheep of the family.(and they talk about mothers unconditional love in indian movies. iam yet to see it in real life. I have seen a lot of mothers in real life being a lot more caring and loving to their kids with better salaries and jobs& badmouthing and lamenting about their not so good son) Enough with the suffocating & policing. Mothers r just like everyone else -humans.

  15. Megha

    [Twisted Fate] Thank you! You sure got away easy! :) And yeah, you look in the mirror one fine morning and see your mom looking back at you. Total eeks moment!

    [John] Yep, those genes pretty much follow you wherever you go! Oh, and welcome to the blog!

    [nandha] The mother fixation is definitely not limited to Indians. Oedipus from classical literature, not to mention volumes of work by Freud on the subject are just a few indicators of how global this subject is. But it is good to hear your views on the matter. Hope to see you around more!

  16. Priya

    Thank god I havn’t yet reached steps 8 & 9…and U know I’ll pray till I die, that I never reach those steps…but yes, would like to be at least a teeny weeny bit versatile as my Mom.I make this confession coz only u and I get to know it, and a whole load of strangers!!!

  17. Megha

    [Priya] Hmm, I know *that* feeling all too well :) Keep praying! As for your confession, your secret is safe with me .. and all my blog readers :) Glad you dropped by. Do visit again!

  18. Venkateshwar Sahai

    Interesting to read about a girl’s perspective. As far as i can think, you cant generalise these things. This is a much too personal and different for each person. Anyway I didnt go through phases like you have been :). But it has been a bit of a reverse cycle!! You can say I realized over a period of time, that my Dad is like me!! Hope you caught the meaning :)

  19. Megha

    [Venkateshwar] You definitely cannot generalize these things, I agree. That’s why I was asking people to share their own experiences. Guess my nine phases are unique to me :) So your dad’s like you hm? Considering he’s responsible for your genes, you ought to give him more credit, don’t ya think? :) Am just kidding of course. I do understand what it is you are trying to say. Glad to see you drop in a comment. Do visit again!

  20. gvenum

    Except for the first phase…I go through all other ones time and again depending on the situation….but not in that order.:)

    I am gald I got out of the first phase though:)

  21. retroauro

    Here is a poem on the same lines which
    expresses my feelings about my father
    Those Winter Sundays

    Sundays too my father got up early
    And put his clothes on in the blueback cold,
    then with cracked hands that ached
    from labor in the weekday weather made
    banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him.

    I’d wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking.
    When the rooms were warm, he’d call,
    and slowly I would rise and dress,
    fearing the chronic angers of that house,

    Speaking indifferently to him,
    who had driven out the cold
    and polished my good shoes as well.
    What did I know, what did I know
    of love’s austere and lonely offices?

    — Robert Hayden

  22. Pingback: A walk in the clouds.. » Kilroy is here

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