Wednesday, August 10, 2005
An overused quote
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‘Love means never having to say you’re sorry‘, they say.
But does love also mean never having to feel sorry?
· 91 Comments
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking too good either.
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Wow.
.
.
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Sorry for the silence, but your question has left me speechless. Quite a thought you have there.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 2:06 AM
Hmmm. In an ideal kind of love scenario, I suppose one shouldn’t get into the ‘sorry’ situation. If one has, then one might as well say it with as much feeling. It sure is powerful enough to set things right! :)
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 3:34 AM
~~Love means never having to say you’re sorry’~~
No one is perfect. So in love. So u shud hav the feeling of sorry if u r wrong somewhere. Because the feeling of sorry itself erases the mistake. Then in love no need to say sorry since its understood and forgotten.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 3:40 AM
Unverifiable truths are barely truths, no ?
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 3:42 AM
“But does love also mean never having to feel sorry?”
Definitely not. If you fall in love you have a right to feel sorry for yourself.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 4:49 AM
if u feel sorry, u might as well say it.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 5:15 AM
hey! thanks for visiting my blog!!
nobody’s perfect.. even if u are sorry, you should be able to accept that person for what he/she is..
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 6:37 AM
Oliver Barrett IV: I am studying.—> like this one. hahahaha….
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 6:41 AM
Arre, it’s like any other relationship that needs nurturing, friendship, understanding, patience, caring, maturity, practicality, forethought, hindsight etc etc etc…And, yes. You do say sorry and feel sorry at times. We’re human. It’s a package deal. How’s it any different?
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 7:28 AM
Unsaid things are no good. If one felt sorry ‘enough’, then one could say it too, right? And sorry, is very useful – it can set things right or it can let you have the last word. Very recommended for love.
… Sorry, but we are over (not good at all, but used often and effectively)
… Sorry for being a moron, I want you back in my life (happens in the movies often enough just before awww happy ending)
… Sorry, but can you return my CD’s please (a personal favourite)
Cinema and fiction are not to be taken seriously, not beyond the 300 pages and 3.5 hours. Sadly one of the truths of life is that one never meets Darcy and Heathcliff in real life!
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 7:38 AM
Whoa! That was a great thought, Megs!
But I think ‘feel‘ is an action or psychological feature that is outside your area of influence. I mean, you do something which is totally normal for you but your boyfriend/girlfriend takes it in a totally different way. Then, naturally you feel sorry for having done that. Now, whether you have to explicitly ask sorry depends on your boyfriend’s/girfriend’s understanding. Can you stop yourself from feeling sorry for something you have done to your loved one?
About our little argument of HP = LOTR + EB (yes, I am not going to leave it there!), I think once a great work of art comes, people tend to get polarized by it. When someone else comes up with another art, we tend to think that it either is a copy or a recycle of the earlier one, irrespective of how good this new work also is! Like, once a professor in my college said, “No one can ever write a play or novel or story without borrowing something from Shakespeare’s work!” Now, the quote could be an exaggeration but Rowling does have a right to be called different and cannot be written off just because she also has a fertile imagination of strange creatures and setup, and writes adventure!
Yes, I am all ears now!
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 8:18 AM
Always thought that it was one of the stupidest lines in the book- because it was so patently false, as anybody who has ever had a relationship (not necessarily a romantic one) can testify. But then stupidity wearing the mask of profoundity (profundity? ) as always managed to get more press..
-Priyanka
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 12:18 PM
Oh please. Sorrys are VERY required, love or not.
It could save the day..many days! :)
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 12:19 PM
love shouldn’t require feeling sorry or saying sorry ;)
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 12:24 PM
Personally, I never understood what the line meant. Never having to say sorry for what exactly? If someone is in love, does that give them carte blanche to always be late for meetings, without so much as an apolgy, for example?
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 12:58 PM
http://scratchandgrunt.blogspot.com
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 12:58 PM
Not exactly. Love means definitely having to FEEL sorry. But aankhon hi aankhon mein ishaara honaa chaahiye!!!
Wah, Wah, Wah!!
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 1:33 PM
What’s bothering you? Something here doesn’t feel right! (maybe it is my long dormant imagination getting over-active)
To answer your question, it doesn’t mean never having to feel.. the other person knows you feel sorry.. so, you just don’t have to say it.. get it? wow. maybe I should have said something like (mimicks a chinese voice) ..Confucius says, you don’t have to say sorry.. even if you feel sorry, ’cause what you feel will be felt by the other.
Confucius also says, he who quotes Confucius shall suffer from confusion.
Boy, am I good at this or what? ;)
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 2:43 PM
Love means to feel sorry and say sorry when some wrong has indeed occured…but Love means not having to rub it in longer and prolong that sorry into a diamond ring or a fancy shirt :)
OK..i am sleepy…thou shalt ignore my useless comment :)
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 3:55 PM
[Megha] Not ever ‘feeling’ sorry is WHOLLY different from not ’saying’ it.
Not saying it, i.e not having to apologise is a function of comfort level, where the other person knows that you would not have deliberately set out to hurt/harm/anger/bewilder/confuse/skin-slowly-with-blunt-knife that said other person. And hence, you don’t need to have to convince them of your feeling of sadness/guilt, etc at hurting/harming… them.
Not ‘feeling’ sorry, on the other hand, is admitting to a lack of guilt about doing something incorrect, which messes with someone else’s life. Not good, that. Not good at all….. Arguing that you ‘love’ the said person to defend yourself, does not make it any more acceptable.
IMHO, of course….:)
[Loverboy] TOTALLY agree with point about not being to control feelings in the first place. Which makes this entire discussion rather academic. You either feel sorry, or you don’t. Period.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 4:33 PM
If you must not end up feeling sorry for self, then saying sorry in heart-felt manner is the best thing.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 10:30 PM
Cheating!
All along, you’ve posted nice, long, rambling, funny posts on your blog, and now suddenly this two-liner? Methinks the lady is quietly trying to get her readers/commenters to write her blog! Very clever ploy, one must admit.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 11:53 PM
I know I was rather cryptic in my post, but it was nice to read all of your varying reactions. [Nandu] and [Closet Claustrophobic]’s responses perfectly summed up my thoughts behind writing this post. I couldn’t have said it any better, if I tried.
[Rajesh] Yeah, was just mulling over it. Thanks.
[Sharanya] I couldn’t agree more. If you say it, say it with feeling. But what is the alternative? Don’t say it at all?
[Vinu] In an ideal world, nobody needs to say sorry. Just feeling sorry is enough. But in the real world, that feeling is sometimes not apparent to the other person, I think.
[Vignesh] True that. One might argue that belief/faith/trust will help. One should just know and believe that the other person will be sorry and hence not need verification. But in most situations that need sorries, that faith isn’t usually present in abundance to begin with, so verbal verifications help.
[thelearner] Tsk tsk :)
[Mustang] Might as well say it, yes. But say it with feeling.
[Confused] I visited your blog? Hmm, it seems I’m the confused one here :) While I agree with what you said, I think ‘accepting the person for what he/she is‘ is easier said than done. If we could achieve that with everyone, wouldn’t the entire world happily get along with each other? :)
[Ghost Particle] Their conversations during their intial courtship are the best. This one (also from the quotes site) is one of my favorites :) -
Jennifer Cavalieri: You look stupid and rich.
Oliver Barrett IV: Well, what if I’m smart and poor?
Jennifer Cavalieri: *I’m* smart and poor.
Oliver Barrett IV: Well what makes you so smart?
Jennifer Cavalieri: I wouldn’t go out for coffee with you that’s what.
Oliver Barrett IV: Well what if I wasn’t even gonna ask you to go out for coffee with me?
Jennifer Cavalieri: Well that’s what makes you stupid.
[phatichar] Totally agree. It is human to make mistakes, and it doesn’t make one any less of a person to admit to it and apologize.
[Closet Claustrophobic] Exactly! If one feels sorry then why not say it? The answer is ego/self-respect I suppose. And indeed, an apology is a great way to have the last word :) But but but .. as someone wise once said - saying sorry should be an instance, not a lifestyle. One shouldn’t make a habit about it and use it as a carte blanche to not care about one’s actions ‘cos one can simply apologize later.
Am on my Nth reading of Pride & Prejudice right now. Figured i’d catch up before the movie hits the theatres later this year :)
[loverBoy] I think the value of a sorry is reduced when one has to ask for it. Even if the sorry is genuine, one cannot help wonder if the other person is saying it with sincerity or simply paying lip service, and that doubt can cause more problems.
You are trying to draw me into a battle about Rowling on an incorrect premise :) I did NOT write Rowling off. If I see Sholay and call it a curry western and say that it has shades of Akira Kurosawa and Sergio Leone, it doesn’t imply an insult to westerns, spaghetti westerns, Kurosawa, Leone or Ramesh Sippy. Being able to seek inspiration from something great, and then build upon it, takes talent and skill and deserves respect. But that doesn’t mean that the inspiration hasn’t been taken. And acknowledging that inspiration doesn’t make an artist (writer, filmmaker, composer, painter) any less of a craftsman/woman. I hold my ground even now that Rowling has taken inspiration from Tolkien and Blyton. But I never once have suggested that I’m writing her off as a result of it. I think enough has been said. I suggest we retire this topic now :)
[Priyanka] Totally agree. I find that it is one of the most misused quotes from the book as well.
[GratisGab] The wise woman speaketh :)
[Priyavadan] In an ideal world, yes. In reality, heh heh :)
[G-G9] Nice! :) If only bosses knew about that loophole when they encourage their employees to have a social life and a more healthy work-life balance.
[Anon] Thanks! :)
[VC] Sure sure. Seen one too many Hindi movies, have we? :) Your aakhon hi aakhon mein ishaara hona chahiye reminds me of a nasty joke/PJ that I was once told (so don’t blame me for it), but I don’t want to ruin the mood of this post. Will tell you another day :)
[Sriram] Your imagination has too much time on its hands, I tell ya :) And how do you know the other person feels it? Do they live inside your head? Why not make sure they understand by actually saying it? In matters like this, it doesn’t hurt to be obvious, I think.
[Kumari] Ahhh, says the married woman who has a recently updated wardrobe of fancy clothes and jewellery galore :) I do agree with your sentiment though.
[Nandu] You took the words out of my mouth, polished then up into pretty sparkly things and fed them back to me on my own blog :) A HUGE thank you for that!
The not saying comes from the implicit understanding you share. You know they didn’t intend to hurt you, so even though they didn’t say sorry, you know they feel bad that you are hurt. It shows in their actions, in their voice, in their words. The actual words ’sorry’ and ‘apologize’ don’t have to enter the conversation at all. Not showing any sign of feeling sorry, and then using the ‘love/friendship means not having to say sorry’ line as your reason for not saying sorry - that is just bad. BAD.
IMNHO, of course ;)
[Anon]
Say it if you feel it, say it like you mean it
Even if not in words, in your actions they’ll feel it
I remembered why I shouldn’t attempt poetry :)
[Begumpetter] Look who’s here sneaking behind PJ-id and all! And shhhh, not so loud. You’re ruining my plan! Although it did prompt you to finally comment, didn’t it? :)
Thursday, August 11, 2005 @ 12:13 AM
love is all about saying sorry and making up …… your bound to have differences …so i feel!
Thursday, August 11, 2005 @ 1:13 AM
Where do I begin?
Firstly, that quote was from a movie. An extremely soppy, weepy and romantic movie at that. It be the business of people in the movie industry to sell idealized dreams. But do these things apply to the real life of real world people? That quote itself reeks of misguided idealism.
And there is a lot of sorry feeling in love. We do unintended things that cause hurt to others all the time. If we love them, we *should* feel sorry, no? And this statement applies to any form of love, not just the romantic kind.
Incid, anyone remember the Andy Williams song that goes by the first statement of this comment? It is a very common ring-tone as well as a car-reverse alarm, and is alternately titled “Love Story”.
Thursday, August 11, 2005 @ 2:40 AM
as soon as I read ur lines I was like ‘wow! thatz exactly what I feel’
but then unfortunately life being wat it is (bed of roses n wat not!)
unfortunately it requires both feeling n saying Sorry (i think being in love twice helps :)
Thursday, August 11, 2005 @ 2:47 AM
lovely thought. is it an original? coz a friend wrote something very similar to me in a mail. well, love surely doesn’t mean not feeling sorry but love surely means not making the other person feel sorry - my 1.2 cents - sorry poor grad students cant afford 2 cents :)
Thursday, August 11, 2005 @ 3:37 AM
X says sorry to Y…
Y feels guilty that X has said sorry…
Y says sorry to X for having made X say sorry…
X feels even more sorry now that Y has said sorry to what was originally X’s sorry…
By now both X and Y are saying sorry…
Repeating sorry many times over, leads one to begin feeling sorry for oneself for having to repeat it so often… which leads X and Y to become belligerent, aggressive and behave like general morons…
By then, X hates Y for being a belligerent moron and Y is sorry to have ever liked X…
And hence they say, never say sorry in love – its contagious and counter-productive
Sorry is also too easy…
Having said all of that, if that is the best way to salvage something as beautiful (Grrr!!) as love, might as well say it. Hindsight always proves to be very cruel!
And Darcy and Heathcliff might be as mythical as the Unicorn, but one must always look for them! :)
Thursday, August 11, 2005 @ 10:01 AM
hmmm.. Love.. huh? Too much for a Romantically Challenged individual like me.
But , one thing is sure. Never assume! Whatever it is, should be made obvious, your like or dislike, your happiness or sorrow. Never leave anything to chance. So, if you are sorry, say so. Cos it doesn’t hurt to say it aloud if the person on the other side of the conversation is someone who is understanding and compatible!
Love is overrated and Compatibility is King!
Thursday, August 11, 2005 @ 10:13 AM
Ah. So it was all a ploy to get the petters and petites out of the woodwork.
Well, here we stand [behind shaky PJ], we can do no other. Do your worst!
Thursday, August 11, 2005 @ 10:54 AM
As any sane person who’s ever been will tell u, but of course not :)
I just finished up my first really long post on bollywood (getting inspiration from the undisputed Queen and expert on all things Bollywood) and would appreciate it if you could drop by at http://whoisane.blogspot.com/
Thursday, August 11, 2005 @ 1:25 PM
reality? what is reality?
reality is just an illusion, a persistent one ;)
Thursday, August 11, 2005 @ 2:06 PM
Gosh even a quote brings in so many comments. That is what is being a diva.
Anyways letting you know that I have put a link to ur blog from mine. :)
Thursday, August 11, 2005 @ 4:12 PM
Well, thank you for the compliment! Honestly, I have a couple of journalist friends, who would be ROTFL at my words being compared to sparkly things! However, more and more, I am beginning to believe that I should have a blog of my own….:). Just think I’d lack the patience to write in regularly.
I TOTALLY second that sentiment about the part of the book you quoted - the discussion about going out for coffee. And the fact that she calls her dad by his first name. ‘Twas a brilliant book. I hated the sequel, though.
BTW, what is IMNHO? Or was the N merely a typo?
Thursday, August 11, 2005 @ 5:59 PM
Anybody that’s been in ‘love’, or in a relationship knows - that its just easier to say you’re sorry and get done with it.
If you’re a guy - you are relegated to the fact that the only way its going to work is The Guy is always wrong, and the girl is always right.
There’s no point in fighting it - because otherwise the girl will only go on and on and on….
Love is saying you’re sorry,when it really matters.
Thursday, August 11, 2005 @ 7:53 PM
What happens if you say sorry just because u love someone so much…even if its not ur fault?
Thursday, August 11, 2005 @ 10:08 PM
[sanky] Ah yes. But what if someone expects you to make up without their saying or feeling sorry?
[HWSNBF] Ah yes, if we’ve hurt the other person, we *should* feel sorry, and it *should* be apparent in our actions and hopefully, words. But it doesn’t always happen. The saying part gets left out cos of the assumption that the other person understands how sorry you are. (A very dangerous assumption that). But the feeling part?
This sorry business is a simple matter that we tend to overcomplicate sometimes, methinks.
[Swathi] So true. And nothing helps a situation like a heartfelt sorry.
[Sagnik] Looks like your friend and I thought of the same thing at the same time. But considering my reasons for this post, one wonders what you did to piss your friend off :) Love doesn’t need to make the other person feel sorry. I agree with that. One should feel sorry for one’s own actions, without someone else having to *make* you feel sorry in the first place.
[PrimalSoup] Interesting scenario. Okie, here’s a different one for you to mull over -
X and Y fight. They both make mistakes.
X says sorry to Y. Y says nothing.
Y tells X that he/she is hurt.
X says sorry to Y again. Also tells Y that he/she is hurt as well.
Y still doesn’t apologize.
X feels cheated that both people made mistakes but Y never cared to apologize.
Next time a fight happens, X feels sorry, but keeps that thought to him/herself.
And thus starts a downward spiral of gargantuan proportions. A situation that could have been solved by the saying of the sorry, rather than the lack of it. Never saying sorry in love is a tad bit extreme I think. We are likely to make mistakes and hurt the other person, and to not apologize for it can be disastrous depending on how immense the hurt.
Btw, long time no see and all that good stuff :)
[aNTi] Nicely said. Don’t take chances. It doesn’t hurt to state the obvious in situations like this.
[begumpetite] Heh heh. It worked quite wonderfully, didn’t it? *pats herself on the back* And what is this? I’ve heard of shape-shifting and all. But you gender-shift? Tsk tsk.
[Rohan] Glad you agree. Will come by to your blog and read your Bollywood post pronto! :)
[Priyavadan] Meri billi mujh hi se meow? Well you are not my cat, technically, but quoting my own blog back to me? Smartt! But remember - there is a difference between idealism and illusion, even if the lines between them blur sometimes.
[scorpigle] Mucho thanks for the link love. And argh at that D word! :)
[Nandu] I indulge in strange metaphors. Please to tell your journalistic friends that :) You really ought to blog, that I agree with. If nothing, you could cut and paste your comments into a post. Doesn’t take any extra work, does it? It is your own writing after all. Recycling ka recycling, post ka post ;)
Ah yes, that bit is priceless. I like this one too - Oliver: You know, Jenny, you’re not that great looking. Jenny: I know. But can I help it if you think so? I don’t think I ever finished the sequel, now that I think about it. IMNHO should have been IMNSHO. So there was a typo, but it wasn’t the N. In my not-so-humble opinion :)
[Fierysinews] I shall not get baited. Else this can very quickly degenerate into ‘a girl always believes that she is right‘ and ‘why do men always generalize?‘ :)
[Jammy] That one always stumps me. Are you doing a good thing by saying sorry even though you don’t feel it is your fault, or are you doing a bad thing by being dishonest about how you feel? And if you are being dishonest but with good intentions, is that okay? I think it is, depending on what’s at stake.
Friday, August 12, 2005 @ 12:15 AM
Sometimes love means having to be sorry, instead of making the other person feel it.
Friday, August 12, 2005 @ 4:32 AM
:)
Well, happy independence day!
Cheers.
Friday, August 12, 2005 @ 7:22 AM
[IdeaSmith] I think love is about both people being sorry ..
[loverBoy] A very happy Independence Day to you too! :)
Friday, August 12, 2005 @ 7:26 AM
I think love means to feel Sorry but convey it without saying it at all
Friday, August 12, 2005 @ 12:47 PM
[@mit] Touche! :)
Friday, August 12, 2005 @ 1:34 PM
(@mit)
That was the best way anyone had put it. Can’t agree more with you.
Nice post, loved the comments too.
Friday, August 12, 2005 @ 2:53 PM
[1]A meets B
[2]A falls in never-having-to-say-your’re-sorry with B
[3]A is not sure if B also feels the same,
i.e. whether B is also in never-having-to-say-your’re-sorry
with A.
[4]Caught in one of these poignant moments, A picks up a pinnately compound leaf and begins to pluck each one alternatively muttering never-having-to-say-your’re-sorry
and never having to feel sorry with each leaflet plucked.
Which state would A end on? So what? Now, that is the question!
-The passerby
Friday, August 12, 2005 @ 3:50 PM
“I think love means to feel Sorry but convey it without saying it at all“
Certainly disagree…
Friday, August 12, 2005 @ 5:33 PM
[gvenum] Thank you!
[Passerby] As for the ’so what?’ here’s how the situation is better described. Both A and B pick up pretty petunias. Both of them go through the ‘feel sorry’, ’say sorry’, ‘feel sorry’, ’say sorry’ routine. The trick (to the resolution of the situation) is for both people to land on the same thing, regardless of what it is. At any given poignant or not-so-poignant moment, as long as one’s feel vs say expectation is matched by the other’s feel vs say demonstration, then which one it is, doesn’t really matter.
I think I have successfully written the most unecessarily confusing statement known to mankind. Apologies.
[Mustang] Please to elaborate on your disagreement. [@mit] will probably defend his statement, but I’ll say this much - I don’t think there’s anything wrong in saying sorry. It never hurts to put it in words. If one is sorry, one can and should say sorry. But the way I interpret [@mit]’s statement - IF one can feel sorry and yet never need to say it cos the understanding between two people is such that there is no need for a verbal apology, then isn’t that kind of implicit understanding - love? They key of course is to *successfully* convey it, not just to try :)
Friday, August 12, 2005 @ 6:45 PM
[Your resolution]: At any given poignant or not-so-poignant moment, as long as one’s feel vs say expectation is matched by the other’s feel vs say demonstration, then which one it is, doesn’t really matter.
But that’s the gotcha isnt it - A does NOT know what transpires in B’s head! That A is in a state of acute uncertainty about what B thinks/feels/believes is (arguably) the fundamental motivation behind A’s use of leaves, petunias, sheep entrails (or some other finite, countable, non-expendable natural structure for the environment-friendly) to infer where B stands.
:) It’s a truly brilliant strategy to divine what others think for multiple reasons:
[User friendly] You can always find a leaf/petunia to get the solution you want.
[Measure of progress] It is a brilliant way to give oneself a grand sense of achieving progress in resolving profound questions about the human condition — just count the number of leaves/petunias destroyed.
Since love “means” not-saying-sorry, and possibly “not-feeling-sorry”, you can replace not-saying-sorry/
not-feeling-sorry with
“love” and repeating the above procedure leads to the well-known strategy of divining whether somebody loves you or not. Again, a critical tool to deal with uncertainty.
Passer-hows-that-for-being-cryptic-by ;)
Friday, August 12, 2005 @ 7:57 PM
[Passerby who doesn’t just pass by] Absolutely, that is indeed the gotcha. My point being that it doesn’t eventually matter whether one says or feels it, as long as there is an expectation-demonstration match. I wonder though - if a petunia were trying to figure out if the new red chap in the neighboring flower pot feels sorry about the way it looked at it this morning, what would it use to satisfy the burning questions of its petunia mind?
There isn’t much point in being curious and hoping for things to be less cryptic, is there? :)
Friday, August 12, 2005 @ 8:13 PM
someone post the 49th comment so I can do number 50, dammit!
Saturday, August 13, 2005 @ 3:45 AM
ok, now that thats out of the way, [Megha] arre, this sorry business is highly overrated, me thinks. why to think so much, i say? Trying to fit situations into preconcieved notions of how things should be leads to erroneous determinations.
Love means never having to feel sorry. Ergo, if I’m feeling sorry, then this is not love. (A logically valid conclusion)
What kind of an inanity is that?
Saturday, August 13, 2005 @ 3:52 AM
This post has been removed by the author.
Saturday, August 13, 2005 @ 6:18 AM
Well, depending on the petunia’s threshold for cruelty, it can always use some other petunia for this purpose including the one it feels sorry about, incidentally resolving the question for good.
(Now that you mention it, if it were the beautiful Venus flytrap then it would probably pluck the legs off the flies it catches as a humane/florale substitute for destroying petunias or its own)
- Passerby-who-is-no-Standing-by
Saturday, August 13, 2005 @ 10:14 AM
when will learn to curb expectations :-)
but then it’s only human to expect …
but isn’t it great to know that erich segal lives on even after so many years ….
Saturday, August 13, 2005 @ 11:32 AM
feeling sorry yes
but if is not expresssed what is the purpose
uma
Saturday, August 13, 2005 @ 2:55 PM
Wow 2 sentences gets some 50 plus comments?! :O You ought to do a post on it perhaps!:)
And that is too much theory on sorry, I must say. If only part of all that time thinking about it was spent on saying it!
Saturday, August 13, 2005 @ 11:13 PM
May be.. may be not.. :-)
Sunday, August 14, 2005 @ 12:01 AM
Interesting point. I can’t say I have the answer but it does set you thinking.
Sunday, August 14, 2005 @ 1:47 AM
wow.
u have set me thinking….
cheerz
KJ
Sunday, August 14, 2005 @ 3:45 AM
[HWSNBF] You are officially the Rahul Dravid of this post. Now moving on to the crux of the matter (I so love that word crux .. it has such a nice ring to it) - It can be an interesting exercise to theorize how one would behave in certain situations. Of course, reality is almost always, a different can of worms from theory.
Bottomline - Anyone who believes that one doesn’t feel/say sorry in love hasn’t been in love long enough, or perhaps never. If anything, love is about being sorry even when you haven’t done anything wrong! :)
[Passerby who is nobody’s standby] I much like the idea of using the very object of confusion as a tool for resolution. Has such a wonderful sense of closure to it.
Hmm, to pluck the legs off certain people .. ah to be a venus flytrap!
[Bonatellis] It is the expectations that lead to disappointments, that then lead to sorries, that then lead to lines such as this being written in books. So it’s all good :) Nice to see you drop by!
[chennai pages] Very true. But the expression can be in a form other than words, no?
[Anonymous] I think the post being only 2 sentences is what prompted more comments :) Led to a lot more interpretations and conclusions, some very different from what I intended to imply with my original statement. If only part of all that time thinking about it was spent on saying it! - Touche! :)
[Magnus Astrum] Hmm :)
[.:A:.] Glad to know. I felt much the same, hence the post. It is nice to see you drop in after a long time!
[KJ] You and me both. Glad to see you back! :)
Sunday, August 14, 2005 @ 9:00 AM
“Anyone who believes that one doesn’t feel/say sorry in love hasn’t been in love long enough, or perhaps never.” — whoa — this grand, sweeping, categorical, you-are-either-with-us-or-against-us pronouncement makes the originial quote look tame in comparison :)
As for “too much theory”, “reality is different”, here is a choice paragraph from Schopenhauer’s The
Art of Controversy (i.e. how to win an argument without ever admitting defeat/ignorance/anything):
“That’s all very well in theory, but it won’t do in practice.” In this sophism you admit the premisses but deny the conclusion, in contradiction with a well-known rule of logic. The assertion is based upon an impossibility: what is right in theory must work in practice; and if it does not, there is a mistake in the theory; something has been overlooked and not allowed for; and, consequently, what is wrong in practice is wrong in theory too.
Sunday, August 14, 2005 @ 10:09 AM
Sorry to say so, but I disagree with the whole “Love means never having to say….”. Been in love for the past 15 years with my husband (initially my boyfriend) and “Sorry”, “Please” and “Thankyou” have been a big part of our feelings. Reason? I think we are very courteous to people we don’t know, or know very little. Don’t we owe at least the same level of curtesy to our loved ones, if not more? I mean, they are the ones who love us with our shortfalls and all.
Sunday, August 14, 2005 @ 10:34 AM
the pleasure (of reading your blog) was entirely mine :)
Sunday, August 14, 2005 @ 11:29 AM
Am glad my theory gets special mention, after some 60 something ones! :D
Sank You (thats my cold doing it!)
Though I do hope, after so many comments you did convey your much felt sorry to the concerned person! :)
And while we are on Darcy and his ilk, when one does finally find him, you realize that he would rather have Ms Rai as opposed to Ms Bennett! Heartbreak increases many notches when heroes let you down! :)
Sunday, August 14, 2005 @ 11:39 AM
I guess you might feel it nevertheless ( love or no love ) but I expect not to have to in love rather than having a situation that makes it this way.(though I hope much better)
Sunday, August 14, 2005 @ 11:50 AM
na—ah!! both false!!
btw I did a double-take on seeing such a short post! :p
Sunday, August 14, 2005 @ 12:53 PM
[Anonymous] It does, doesn’t it? I was pretty pleased with myself for that one :) Expected some flak for it too. Of course, I don’t think my sweeping statement applies to the ‘I saw a girl at the bus stop today and fell in love with her, but I don’t know her name and she doesn’t know I exist‘ type of love, but am sure you already figured that :)
Very interesting bit from Schopenhauer! Having never read the book, I’m tempted to do so now. I wonder if ‘that’s all good in an idealistic world, but realistically speaking, it won’t work‘ falls into a similar category.
[GettingThere] Why be sorry about saying so? :) And I completely agree with you! As humans we make mistakes. Even if unintentional, these mistakes sometimes hurt the people we love. So, saying sorry is a perfectly natural part of it all. In my post, I was objecting to the whole concept of ‘love means never having to say you are sorry‘ as being too idealistic. More importantly, to use that quote as an excuse to not say sorry .. and then extend that to not feel sorry, is big a no-no in my books.
And I agree with you about showing courtesy to our loved ones when we can show it to strangers. And I don’t think that saying sorry is merely being polite. I think it is also about recognizing the other person’s sensitivities. If I know that my saying sorry will make the other person feel better, that in turn makes me want to express it more. Love isn’t only about saying sorry when you are sorry. It is also about saying sorry when you know it can make a difference to the other person.
Thanks for dropping in and for the comment :)
[Bonatellis] Thankoo! :)
[Closet Claustrophobic] Ah, so you thought my post was about my wanting to say/feel sorry to someone? Apparently I gave a lot of misimpressions :)
Hope your sniffles are better!
And hey, Darcy might have been stupid enough to settle for Ms Rai with her phoney accent, but he soon realizes his mistake. Come November, he goes for a certain Ms Knightley, who I think makes a rather fine Ms Bennet. Heroes too are men, who as we know, can sometimes be incredibly dense. But we’re forgiving that way, aren’t we? :)
[Paddy] However much we hope to not have to, we all end up having to, sooner or later. IMO.
[shub] Glad you agree! Yeah, I surprised myself too :)
Monday, August 15, 2005 @ 12:14 AM
[megha]well a big smile and arms wide open works to do just that sometimes ..but …yeah …not always…so give your partner a chance to make up ..and walk in to the hug…if you dont wanna hear sorry..
Monday, August 15, 2005 @ 12:36 AM
Megha - you got me right..
Monday, August 15, 2005 @ 1:22 PM
Sorry, Thank You, Bless You!, You’re welcome, Excuse me…
Do relationships have to be barriers to basic courtesies?
A two line post …. 68 comments and a 69th jobless fellow adding his too…
Monday, August 15, 2005 @ 1:47 PM
Quick off-topic diversion into the world of movies….Sorry, was just scrawling through some back posts on your blog and came across a comment of yours on one of them, in which you mention that *gasp* you have not seen Deewar *shudder*. Is this true? You CANNOT be serious. Amitabh is GOD in the movie…. And IMO, ‘mere paas maa hai’ is the WORST dialogue of them all. There were some completely completely brilliant lines, Salim-Javed at their hard hitting best! Including ‘main aaj bhi pheke hue paise nahin uthata’……
Monday, August 15, 2005 @ 3:04 PM
That should be ‘trawling’ not ’scrawling’!
Monday, August 15, 2005 @ 3:46 PM
“I think love means to feel Sorry but convey it without saying it at all“
Certainly disagree…
Explaining…love doesn’t just mean to feel sorry and not having to convey it by verbal communication! it all sounds very rosy n poetic tht one doesn’t need to say sorry in love or can convey the emotions without saying it… i think it might be foolish to label such a love ideal too. i mean of course ppl r warranted to have their own definition of ideal or true love, not opposing that!
Mustang’s corollary: Almost all relationships (and I dont jst mean romantic ones) tht end up in dumpster do so coz of improper communication!
Monday, August 15, 2005 @ 7:57 PM
True love — it teaches you so many emotions…many that you never knew, many that you never felt, many that you scorned before!
And feeling Sorry is definately one of them.
Its upto us all how we show it!!
Monday, August 15, 2005 @ 10:33 PM
[sanky] That is definitely a nice way to feel better and avoid the sorries :)
[@mit] Ah goodie!
[Prahalathan] While I agree that we should show courtesy to our loved ones, I don’t think a sorry is a courtesy or politeness in a relationship. As I said in my response to [GettingThere] - I think it is also about recognizing the other person’s sensitivities. Love isn’t only about saying sorry when you are sorry. It is also about saying sorry when you know it can make a difference to the other person.
Nice to see you drop in and thank you for the comment :)
[Nandu] Oh right, I did admit to that sacrilege somewhere on this blog, didn’t I? :) Yes, for the longest time I refused to watch ANY Amitabh movie in which he died, such was my adoration for the man. (Notable exception - Sholay.) I eventually got past that, but then never went back and caught up on the movies I missed out as a result of it. But yes, I intend to atone for my sins and get my hands on Deewar pronto :) I have another reason to see Deewar besides Amitabh - R D Burman! While the movie is not particularly known for its music, it has some wonderful songs (and some excellent background music), be it the Kishore-Asha duets maine tujhe maanga tujhe paaya hai and keh doon tumhein ya chup rahoon or the Manna Dey philosophical deewaron ka jungle jiska about the urban jungles we live in .. it has these lines I like (Deewar is one of the rare movies that has Sahir’s lyrics for a RDB soundtrack)
seene khaali, aakhein sooni, chehron par hairaani
kitne ghane hungaamein ismein, utni ghani veerani
raatein kaatil, subhein mujrim, mulzim hai har shaam
baahar se chup chup lagta hai, andar hai kohraam
Sorry, I cannot help get carried away when you mention a RDB movie :)
[Mustang] Yes, it is idealistic, almost foolish, to hope for love like that. But if one CAN find such a love, it sure would be wonderful, wouldn’t it? Realistically speaking though, even if one were to achieve that ideal and find such understanding, it would take years to get there, in my opinion. The implicit not-having-to-say-sorry-but-understanding-each-other kind of love is what I see in my parents, for instance. I expect to be their age before I find it too. Until then, I’ll continue to say sorry :)
[missnupur] Well said! :)
Tuesday, August 16, 2005 @ 1:08 AM
Back after three days and what do I see? 40 more comments with a lot of goodies. My favorites:
Love means never having to feel sorry. Ergo, if I’m feeling sorry, then this is not love. (A logically valid conclusion)
–He who Shall Not be Flamed.
If anything, love is about being sorry even when you haven’t done anything wrong!
–Megha the Great.
I think we are very courteous to people we don’t know, or know very little. Don’t we owe at least the same level of curtesy to our loved ones, if not more?
–GettingThere.
True love — it teaches you so many emotions…many that you never knew, many that you never felt, many that you scorned before! And feeling Sorry is definately one of them.
–Missnupur.
Now, thats why I love Megha’s blog.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005 @ 3:55 AM
All the best with ur search :) I sincerely pray u succeed, till then we can continue saying sorries! btw, since u’ve talked so much abt Love Story, y no mention of MPK and Dosti mein no sorry, no thank you
Tuesday, August 16, 2005 @ 5:14 AM
Such a dilemma needs alcoholic support, undoubtedly.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005 @ 7:04 AM
Meghaji, the line does blur sometime but then one should remember idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the cost becomes prohibitive. :)
Tuesday, August 16, 2005 @ 1:15 PM
Megha - time for the next post?
Tuesday, August 16, 2005 @ 3:57 PM
[loverBoy] Thank you! And I am pleased to be in such august company. Not that it would have been any less flattering in September :)
[Mustang] Thank you! :) And I am so glad you brought up MPK and completed my Bollywood fix! The original post was written in a more serious mode, and I simply couldn’t bring myself to juxtapose Prem, Suman and their Friend cap onto the moment. But now I shall make amends and roller skate away singing ‘aaya mausam dosteee kaaaaaaa‘ or more appropriately in the sorry context - ‘.. to kis baat ki hai ladaaai, tu chal, main aayi‘ and finish it off with ‘come soon yaaaar!‘ in SPB’s fundoo accent!
[Anurag] Hic!
[Priyavadan] The lines between idealism and illusion were