A load of crock

Yesh, the rumors are true. My disappearance is very much the work of aliens. But not to worry. Just when they thought they got their grubby paws on me, I fished out my CD of Disco Dancer (1982) — Tarzan (1985) — Kasam Paida Karne Waale Ki (1984) to counter the alien goop thrown at me. News reports state that they were last seen scuttling towards their mothership clinging onto their earmuffs. Oh yesh, Bappi’s music. As the Amex people will tell you — Don’t leave home without it. It can come in handy at the most unexpected times. Anyway, Area 51 is a long way off from home, and so while I’m in transit, here’s a pointless verse about the real reason for my being gaayab from my blog.

A Load of Crock

The birdie chirps from the cuckoo clock,
It hoots and howls, tick tock.
Its feathered friends at my window flock,
On the floor lies a dirty sock. (Offbeat artsy cinema types)

Armed with a camera I went for a walk,
Cutting circles around the block. (Cutting circles = chakkar kaatna)
Random pictures I have tons of stock,
But nonsense I have none to talk.

I thought I’d be inspired by Hitchcock,
When that didn’t work, I tried Sandra Bullock, (Pliss mispronounce for poetry sake)
Switched to music, played some Bach,
Gaah! Need to hit my head on a rock!

I try to write but I see a padlock,
I have run out of words?! What a shock!
Hey! Don’t you heckle and don’t you mock,
Suffer I from the clichéd writer’s block.

By the way, curious koschan. Is it Kasam Paida Karne Waale Ki, as in ‘I swear on the one that gave birth‘, or Kasam Paida Karne Waale Ki, as in the ‘belongs to the one who gave birth to Kasam‘? If it is the latter, then who is this Kasam and why the sense of belonging? Oops, gotta go. I spot an alien.

*exits dancing in shiny silver tights singing in Salma Agha’s voice*

Ye raat mein jo mazaa hai <toink toink>
Mazaa ye kuchh nayaa nayaa hai <toink toink>
Ki tumko aaj kyaa huaa hai <toink toink>
Ki jhoomta hi jaa raha hai ..
Jhoom jhoom jhoom baba~aaaa ..
Jhoom jhoom jhoom baba~aaaa ..
Jhoom jhoom jhoom babaaaaa~aaa aaaaaaaaa ooooo!

37 thoughts on “A load of crock

  1. Sagnik Nandy

    yesss yesssss yesssss – i am the first one to comment *i hope i dint say that too soon* :)) have seen all three movie with special fondness for KPKWK and the arty movie reference was awesome *bows in admiration*

  2. gvenum

    Howlarious! ROTFLMAO! Randomness at best and has a method too. Aliens picked up a wrong human sample to test.

    >>Ki tumko aaj kyaa huaa hai
    >>Ki jhoomta hi jaa raha hai

    Looks like an appropriate song for the scuttling aliens.

  3. Mustang

    A wrtier’s block made you a poet??

    And how dare you sandwich Hemant Birje’s classic between 2 Mithun Da’s masterpieces?? This is blasphemy!
    And btw some more Kasams.
    Maa Kasam-Mithun Da
    Yaadon ki kasam-Mithun Da
    Maa Kasam Badla loonga-Hemant Birje
    Kasam Dhande ki-Hemant Birje
    Kasam-Hemant Birje

  4. anthony

    Stuck with a writers block, and you write so well, I can’t imagine how it would be if you were free of the cliche writers block or is it blog??

  5. Idle Muller

    Rhyming Bach with Hitchcock, muah, muchos class. Had to adopt the Javed Jaffery accent from Salaam Namaste but got there in the end.

    Besides that, I too had my reservations about Bappi’da tinki-tonki and phooeey-whooeey music, probably made by his numerous trinkets, but he too has created and sung some gems worthy of collection. Here are a few, which I keep on my ipod playlist.

    - Maana ho tum (highlight : crescendo of deekho kabhi to, pyaar se) from Toote Khilone.
    - Tumhara pyar chahiye from Manokamna
    - Jaana kahan hai from Chalte Chalte
    - Pyar bina chain kahan re (h/l : the disco steps of anil kapoor and ghodi singh) from saheb
    - Kashti jawan dil ki sahir se takra gayi (few lines) from Namak Halal
    - You are my chicken fry (for the sheer audacity and camp value of lyrics) from Rock Dancer.

    Trust me, he grows on you, maybe like mildew, but still growth is growth.

  6. Jay

    \megha You listen to Bach ?!! I love his sonatas – thx to a dear friend of mine who introduced me to bach, mozart, brahms, tchaikovsky, and the like. Anyway, if you’re curious and have an ear for string quartets, may I recommend the Emerson String Quartet? They have CDs out (I think at AMAZON) that you could grab and listen to … soothing :-).

  7. journeylist

    oh god. this was absolutely brilliant. btw, i think you may be the right person to shed light on this metephysical question: you know that mithun song “raat ke barah baje, chowk mein hullad mache, meri ma bhaji paake, mera baap peeke naache”. do you know which fillum it graced??

  8. Cuck-koo!

    Wonder what the truth be
    Megha is busy, think we.
    With an alien in a tree
    K-I-S-S-I-N-G

    Aliens have many a mask
    Is cuckoo one of them, we ask
    Under a cloudy sky does he bask?
    Poem cut short: many a task.

    Crambo rules!

  9. Ze Exaggeratorr!

    when people call me arbit next time, ill give ur blog address and ill say

    “Pehle usko arbit bol ke aao jisne yeh blog likha hai
    Pehle usko arbit bol ke aao jisne is blog ko host kiya hai
    Pehle usko arbit bol ke aao jisne yeh mozilla banaya!

    Fir aa kar mujhe arbit bolna”

    OK I know…arbit

    OH ya and your silver tights looked cool…

    Nice Koschan I must say..
    I think its the 2nd one and the last word is Jai
    “Kasam paida karne wale ke jai!”

    (Kasam is kusum’s bro)
    (and If you wanna know, Kusum is kasam’s bro)
    (Both of them are bhai-behen)

    Hence.. “Unki maa kee … jai”

  10. The Greatest Hokie Ever !!

    It is true that the aliens were so distressed by Disco Dancer and Kasam… that they returned you back to the earth with their own “guard of honor”

    I agree with [Mustang], you have inshulted Mithun-da and you should apologize to his legions of fans. you should know that the fans of mithun-da are much more deadly than any aliens !!

  11. GREATBONG

    Tarzan is a classic….I cannot fathom how Kimi Katkar can ever hang from branches—-with her weight distribution and sheer mass. Toink…toink.

    And the “Kasam Paisa Karne Wali Ki” question—-is that the only mystery of the universe that the aliens have been unable to figure out yet ?

  12. aNTi

    * is reminded of a classic line uttered by Another Great One (from down south) at a Police Station, but realizes that the name referred is actually different, but starts with the same letter. But the thought conveyed by the line, fits the profile completely!

  13. Sriram

    *looks around confoosed like “a child in a topless bar*- Those are powerful weapons that you are holding (the Disco Dance and Tarzan CD’s).. me glad that you are not near Area 51.. I would truly be terrified if you are near me home *devilish grin mixed wtih alien sound effects*
    “I try to write but I see a padlock,
    I have run out of words?! What a shock!
    Hey! Don’t you heckle and don’t you mock,
    Suffer I from the clichéd writer’s block” — *screams like a chicken confronted by an alien chicken*-OMG.. you an writer’s block? hmm… guess geniuses also go through patches like I do (nice excoos,no?)

  14. Devdutt

    Here we go again—

    On being abducted onto a martian terra-lander,
    Megha promptly asked to see their commander,
    Sang she – You are my chicken fry, you are my fish fry,
    Kabhi na kehna mundiye bye, bye, bye. (fade to “..but it ain’t no lie – Baby Bye bye bye..”)
    Ergo without ceremony, from his ship, he banned’er.

    And consequently I have fulfilled the “by god ki kasam” I’d taken a few days back. :)

  15. gvenum

    @TGHE I thought the insults were aimed at Bappi da:) which in this case actually helped the mankind from gooey aliens…Looks like Prabhuji’s bakhts get offended even before some thing is written on him:)

  16. Randomizer

    ooh gawd! And I thot Bappi Da was a spy planted on planet Earth by the aliens. The toink toink in his songs was a secret code to communicate with the aliens.

  17. The Greatest Hokie Ever !!

    [Randomizer] – Actually Bappi-da was not planted, he was “gifted” so that we can enzoi pure moosik… Btw, on the list of to be seen movies, I definitely recommend Commando, starring one and only one Prabhuji aka Mithun-da along with apna own Hemant Birje, what a movie, the turns and twists would put anyone to shame. And to cap it all, it has moosik by one and only one Bappi-da !!

  18. Rajesh J Advani

    LOL! This was one of the funniest posts I’ve read in quite some time!

    I tried some poetry, but couldn’t come up with anything even remotely as funny as your post here. ROFL!

    *catching my breath from the laughing and wondering if I should mention that I actually liked the title song of KPKWK*

    I think I should spend some time writing something on my own blog now.

    *toinking away into the night wondering where one can buy silver tights. Maybe the aliens know…*

  19. rumpelstiltskinâ„¢

    i had foretold this bhappi da and prabhuji will be our saviours when we have an alien attack… elvis presley did a bad job in “mars attack” in driving away green aliens…

    but bhappi da will make them dance to their tunes with prabhuji accompanying them and make friends with them and we will live happily ever after…

    and then… we can find some of those aliens commenting on your posts… really waiting for that day… i hope you have supported fonts for aliens language…

  20. a-hem

    You Bappi-fied the aliens. Buahahaha!

    Megha- 1
    Li’l green monsters- 0

    Unless I’m missing some past altercations…

    (Welcome back. Writer’s block is ickier than aliens, isn’t it?)

  21. Megha

    [Sagnik] Thankoo thankoo. I must admit I haven’t seen Tarzan. Yet. With the blessings of the desi store uncle, that will change one day. But I *own* the Disco Dancer DVD, so I think I have atoned for my sins :)

    [gvenum] Thankoo :) And nice touch with the song being addressed to the aliens :) And these Mithun fans .. what can I say!

    [Mustang] Yesh, I have writer’s block, not poet’s block, so it makes perfect sense ;) And hey, HMV markets the CD in that combination, so it’s not my doing. Actually, now that I checked the CD, I had the order wrong. It is Disco Dancer – Kasam Paida Karne Wale Ki – Tarzan. Sorry, mishtook happened.

    [anthony] Aw thanks. I thought this post truly was a load of crock, hence the title, but am glad you liked!

    [Idle Muller] Yes, one first thought of the more obvious ‘switched to music, played some rock’, but that was too easy, and one likes to complicate things a little. Thankoo for noticing :) As for Bappi’s actual gems (mildew eh? tsk tsk) I couldn’t agree with you more. For all the fun I poke at the man, I own and proudly listen to a fair amount of his music. I started to elaborate on some of it, but have decided to write a dedicated Bappi post soon. So thankoo for bringing up the topic :) Also, on an unrelated note about an old comment of yours – I do love the Anup Ghoshal version of tujhse naraaz nahin zindagi hairaan hoon main. The way Ghoshal says the last line of the antara rather than singing it, is most lovely .. am guessing it is more likely a Pancham touch, than a Gullu or Ghoshal one. Just a gut feeling :)

    [Jay] Yes, I do listen to some amount of Western classical, although I won’t claim enough knowledge to recognize composers, except for the most famous of compositions. The Emerson quartet hm? They’re based out of SunySB aren’t they? I think S was telling me about them recently. (Did you guys go to a performance of theirs perhaps?) Haven’t heard them before, but shall follow recommendation. The Kronos Quartet is one that I listen to a fair amount of. Their work covers multiple musical genres and is quite interesting. Check them out sometime, if you’d like!

    [journeylist] Thank you! I sadly have no clue where that song is from! Maybe one of the other commenters can shed light on the matter? Sagnik, Greatbong, Hokie .. anyone? Pliss to help?

    [Cuck-koo!]

    The cowering alien hides in the tree,
    While I rub my hands in glee!
    Donning my silver tights I charmed he,
    And hopped and skipped away, going wheee!

    Now for the alien in the clock,
    For that we must make the cuckoo talk.
    Else wild rumors are running amok,
    These bloggers are crazy! *tok-tok-tok*

    [Ze Exaggeratorr!] Filmi, verrrrry filmi! :) Thankoo for clarifying the Kasam funda. I feel much better now. Btw, if Kasam is Kusum’s bro, then Kusum is Kasam’s sis, no? Minor technicality, just thought I’d make sure.

    [Hokie] Waitaminnut! I said nice wonderful things about how Bappi saved the world! And I haven’t said a single word about Mithun?! Most unfair! I am as much of a Mithun fan as anyone else, and the fact that [Greatbong] visits my blog is an endorsement of my Mithun love, thank you very much. Hmpfh! And you know, you are right! Some fans of Bappi and Mithun surely are a dhabba on their fair name, what with lawsuits and all. I am not taking names of course, just saying .. ;)

    By the way, I had no idea Hemant Birje was in Commando (1988)! A movie with that most fundoo title song in Alisha Chinai and Vijay Benedict(?)’s voice -

    Pehle to is dil ki,
    haalat na aisi thhi,
    tumse milte hi dil ko kya ho gayaaaaa ..
    commendoe commendoe commendoooooooe!

    Okay, I better stop before I drown in rotten tomatoes.

    [GREATBONG] Bad bong, bad bad bong! :) As for mysteries of the universe, there is one more – Did Mithun actually wear the all-important silver pants, or did they paste it onto him?

    [aNTi] So what *does* Rajni say? Do educate lesser mortals like me, pliss?

    [Sriram] Although the copious amounts of nonsense that I usually churn out with alarming regularity may have you thinking otherwise, yes, I do run out of pointless drivel from time to time. And the world is heaving a sigh of relief and is a happier place because of it. So you and your Area 51 buddies can join in the celebrations :)

    [Devdutt] Oooh I likey! And yay, I had a feeling this Kasam post would make you fulfil your kasam and I am glad I was right :) Now I just need to do a good deed deserving of this!

    [Randomizer] No no, that can’t be. See, when trying to spy on us, the aliens usually try to look like regular human beings so they blend in easily. By that logic, no alien will *choose* to look like Bappi, no?

    [Arun] Thankoo :)

    [Rajesh] Thank you, thank you! We are happy to see that our writer’s block provides you with such entertainment :) And please be careful before making such confessions on my blog. You mention the title song of KPKWK and I cannot help but sing it .. so here, for your listening (well, reading) pleasure. Hopefully it’ll inspire you to wake up your blog too :)

    *high pitched female chorus screeeching*
    O beraham .. *toinkkk ting*
    Tune kiye .. *toinkkk ting*
    Kya kya zulumm .. *toinkkk ting*
    Kya kya sitam .. *toinkkk ting*
    Tujhko bhi na .. *toinkkk ting*
    Chhodenge hum .. *toinkkk ting*
    Kasammmmm paida karne waale kiiii *tara raraaa tara taraaa*

    *ducks the second round of tomatoes*

    [Rumpy] “i hope you have supported fonts for aliens language” – How do you think you are reading this post and its comments in the first place? ;) Yep they are very much amongst us. Much closer than you think. Be afraid, be very afraid!

    [a-hem] Yesh. And this was the only one I know of, so if past altercations have happened, then they’ve used their MIB flashy-memory-messer-upper thingy on my memory to alter it. Which ought to explain a LOT of things, now that I think about it, but we won’t go there. And yeah, it’s the worst feeling in the world when you have nothing to say! :(

    (Ironical that I end this mega-long comment response with a statement about having nothing to say. Tsk tsk.)

  22. Taz Snow

    “toink toink”??! ROTFL!!!
    Nothing like a good toink to beat writer’s block! Eitherways, as random as this post is, it’s still a good laugh

  23. Idle Muller

    For Journeylist : in response to your metaphysical question, the resting abode of the below mentioned song,

    raat ke barah baje, chawk mein hullad mache,
    meri maa baaji pake, mera baap peeke nache,

    i suspected was, mujrim, which proved right after a brief surf (not the oddly weighted made popular by Lalitajee) on the information superhighway.

    http://www.musicindiaonline.com/l/17/s/actors.129/movie_name.1372/

    Another song which I have failed to delete from my memory from this movie is

    mujrim na kehna mujhe logon, mujrim to saara zamana hai
    pakda gaya wo chor hai, jo bach gaya wo sayana hai

    with such earth shattering philosophy and the grave baritones of mohd aziz, this could have spawned a religion on its own.
    How do I remember so much details ? I had the bitter misfortune of wandering into a theatre
    playing this in calcutta … DUBBED in BENGALI. I have never been the same person since that day.

  24. Jay

    I used to work backstage at the Center for fine arts – so lucky dawg that I was, I got to see an entire year of all the performances (circus, dance, theater, opera, emerson, international films, etc.) :-). In fact, I saw lagaan for the first time in the Center. Anyhow, will try Kronos … heard they did a bit with Asha Bhosle right?

  25. aNTi

    [Megha]: So I managed to stump Bollypedia! And that too, a scene from a movie that she likes to quote from, a movie that she re-introduced me to!
    I am elated.
    Miss.M, the line goes like this – “”Yeh Manju hi! Crack hi!”. To refresh your memory, I will add that this movie also had other classic lines that went “Aaj Sunday hi…” all delivered in a funny accent which is surely intentional since The Man is Marathi by birth.

  26. Cuck-koo!

    Megha in her shiny tights,
    Singing under silver lights
    Jitender dancing in his whites
    In songs filmed in moonlit nights

    “Dillll meeein, kya hai?”
    This is what ask they
    In a movie made by Padmalay
    I have nut-thing more to say.

    Pliss to excuse
    Me brain’s blown a fuse
    But the reader can choose
    to ignore my rhyming refuse.

  27. Megha

    [Taz Snow] Ah yes, some random nonsense is the perfect way to get us back on track :)

    [Idle Muller] Oooh, wise words indeed. And dubbed in Bengali version? Ouch! I feel for you, I deeply sympathize. Btw, thanks to you, I am now listening to Mujrim on MusicIndiaOnline and any writing that comes out of me as a result of it is going to be blamed on you. You have been warned.

    [Jay] Nice! Very cool indeed! Yes, Kronos has worked with Asha for an album to commemorate R D Burman (CD’s available on Amazon btw). They’ve done instrumental versions of some of RD’s works in the past, but this time they’ve added Asha’s vocals as well. I think a copy of of one of the instrumentals can be found on Coolgoose.

    [aNTi] No no no no! This is most unfair! I completely and totally object to you using an underhand tactic like this to try to stump me. I live and breathe that movie and will not accept having you pull some trick to be so happy! I shall cry foul and very very loudly at that! You go and write –

    * is reminded of a classic line uttered by Another Great One (from down south) at a Police Station, but realizes that the name referred is actually different, but starts with the same letter. But the thought conveyed by the line, fits the profile completely!

    Now see, that’s one of the vaguest comments ever! First I thought it was a Tam film, second I thought ‘fits the profile completely‘ meant the profile of someone dancing in silver tights being chased by aliens, not the profile of someone demented like me! And as for being crack, I firmly maintain that I am not crazy, just misunderstood :) And by the way, pliss to not take my ranting seriously. I am, as always, just kidding :)

    [Cuck-koo!]

    No no, you have it all wrong,
    Silver tights is what wore, the Bong.
    Jeetendra’s heroines – sarees they wore,
    Leaving the audience asking for more.

    Padmalaya babes deserve a post of their own,
    Jayaprada’s pout or Mandakini’s moan.
    But I think I hear the commenters groan,
    So at least for now, I shall stop the drone.

  28. cuck-koo!

    Someone asked me and I went ‘Aink?’
    What is the meaning of ‘toink’?
    To him I said “I’m not knoink”
    You must wonder why I’m not goink.

    A complete madhouse is your blog
    Your comments-space I will hog
    The english language I will flog
    Charming prince that is a frog

    Heh! :)

  29. Megha

    [Cuck-koo!]

    Aink?‘ is a phrase I use quite oft!
    But ‘toink‘ cannot be explained or taught.
    You’ll understand if you listen to Bappi a lot,
    Even if it leaves you most distraught.

    Turned ye the language into a dead horse,
    And yet you seem to have no remorse?
    This poetic thread is surely getting worse,
    But yet, this lunacy, I heartily endorse!

    :)

  30. rumpelstiltskinâ„¢

    now the secret’s out, you will have to pay the price
    next comments onwards i wont be all that nice
    i am an alien and i just lurrrv lemon rice
    your blogs i read daily-weekly-hourly thrice

    now the aliens and humans will be on war
    and on the face of earth leave a big scar
    and if you humans want peace not war
    for god sake ask mithun to take over star parivar

  31. Megha

    [iii] Oh yesh, I completely forgot I called you that! Yes we are most pleased with that one :)

    And pray what is so arbit about what I wrote? *innocent look* Having writer’s block, being kidnapped by aliens, owning Bappi CDs, dancing in shiny silver tights .. every one of these are perfectly normal things that happen to perfectly normal people on perfectly normal days! You, on the other hand, come and read about all this randomness. So who’s the arbit-er one of the two? :)

  32. Megha

    [Rumpy]

    Pulao, biryani, khichdi or rice,
    The aliens find it all very nice.
    But for the sanity and safety of the free,
    Offering of thayir saadam shall be given to thee.

    Mithun’s son’s in a movie soon,
    A historic day that’s once in a blue moon.
    The fans are in a tizzy with many a sigh,
    While I’m holding my head going – Why O why?!

  33. Sriram

    OK, this makes me mad. When did you shift over? And you never told US! (including my alter-ego) :D.. nice work on the site.. but why have you been MIA?

  34. Pingback: A walk in the clouds.. » Deadant

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