Aaa-aaaaa

GrrrrWe’ve moved into our new home, the curtains have gone up, and the customary milk-popping and champagne-boiling are all done with. So now for more exciting things. Since we don’t rant often enough on our blog, we thought we’d mix things up a bit this time. After all, as we are often found saying — variety is the garam masala of life. Or MDH Chunky Chaat Masala, if you prefer that.

A majority of the readers of this blog are nice people who visit and share their opinions via interesting comments. Those who just visit, but don’t comment — you guys are nice too. But there’s the other folks. Yes, you know who you are. This is for you.

  • I don’t usually throw a hissy fit on my blog. Yes, I said on my blog, so those of you who know me in real life, shoo! But patience, is often mistaken for incompetence. The fact that I do not react doesn’t mean I cannot. As I have said before — this blog has, for the most part, been a cheerful and positive place and I intend to keep it that way. The day I decide to change that, *I* will do so, not you. If you don’t like what I write, run along. I am sure you will find a ton of blogs that suit your discerning and eclectic tastes.

  • I don’t expect you to agree with me on everything. Sure, disagree. But be polite about it. I believe the world is an inherently nuanced place and there are few absolute rights and wrongs. You have your views and I have mine, and they can be diametrically different. And my neighbors don’t have any views, now that the curtains have gone up. But if you don’t like or agree with something I say, do not resort to name calling and cheap shots. Also, sarcastic digs like ‘ooooh, you are a cyber goddess, we don’t have a choice but to agree with you’ will not be tolerated.

  • Don’t complain about my style of writing. This is a personal blog, so it will always be reflective of my style and my interests. Yes, you can have your likes and dislikes, but don’t expect me to cater to them. I am glad you like some of what I write, but expecting that I will only write in a way you like is akin to expecting Rahul Roy to make a comeback.

  • Do not attack other commenters. I get very den-mother-like about such things. What you think of a fellow commenter’s intellect, sense of humor, levels of desperation or unmentionable body parts, is information best kept to yourself. In addition, if you have any ideas of torrid affairs between commenters StudMuffin and CoyGiggler, sell them to Vikram Bhatt who will make a movie out of it. It will be stylish, have no substance and star Udita Goswami in very little clothes. But on my blog, I am the drama queen and we don’t need your filmi romances to add to the mix.

  • If you sass me, I can sass you back. I am supremely good at it and I suggest you don’t try to find out how good. But if you think I’ll get into a who’s-the-bigger-smartass match with you, think again. If I don’t have the inclination to deal with you, the delete button will start looking vaiiiiry attractive.

  • Yes, if you write something that I think doesn’t deserve to be here, I will delete it. How do I decide what to delete? I am glad you asked. Mostly it is my purely subjective opinion, but as a general rule of thumb — anything that is inflammatory, attacking, derogatory, nasty, or any variant thereof — it will appear and disappear faster than Mallika Sherawat’s clothes.

  • Whether you visit here because you like what I write, or whether an obsessive desire to puke brings you here, remember — my blog is my home on the web. When you are in my home, you will play by my rules, or you will be unwelcome. If you behave like an ass, I have some very angry henchmen who are looking for a refund on hair-regeneration products who would love to use you for shot-put practice.

Now, after all this, if you’re still wondering who I’m addressing, let me help you. Remember that mouse-like extra behind Zeenat Aman in laila o laila from Qurbani (1980) ? He has no actual value whatsoever, but manages to make his presence felt by going aaa-aaaaa in a most unpleasant manner? You want to look at the sexy bombshell but instead you have to deal with a scrawny guy with a handlebar moocha, rotating his head in a laws-of-physics defying freakish way. Yep, that unwanted sidey is who this post is for. But the rest of you Zeenats should read it too.

72 thoughts on “Aaa-aaaaa

  1. Essar

    Hey Megha, first time commenting — even though I’ve been reading your blog for a while now and I find you HILARIOUS! Especially those references to cheapie songs, starlets, wannabes which I have something of a fascination for. As for those nasty leprechauns, well hit the DELETE button on them!

  2. Sriram

    OMG! This one’s worth going on MY blog!! Most people here understand that what we do is for fun and entertainment and there are always dumbasses who need to get their brains *bleached*. Also youvar haanar.. I have ishmaal objecksion!! you said “anything that is inflammatory, attacking, derogatory, nasty, or any variant thereof — it will appear and disappear faster than Mallika Sherawat’s clothes.” — I say only this… when did Mallika Sherawat wear any? :D.. And me thought you were gonna do a cannibal dance and throw some voo-doo majick on the offenders..

    And on a serious note, try to relax a bit.It isn’t worth it to get worked up about losers who just don’t know how to behave.

  3. Jay

    Wow, a post that is full of feelings eh? I’m glad that I’m not at the receiving end of this diatribe :-), or may be I am? I don’t know if I’m part of Us or Them. Anyhow, to be honest, I was a little surprised that someone had gotten under your skin to cause this; I’d cross my fingers and hope your anger subsides. Looking forward to reading your regular posts :-).

    Note: milk-popping and champagne-boiling eh?

    Quick question: Are you referring to yourself in the plural (we) or are there other contributors to this blog?

  4. Pingoo

    This is not garam masala or chaat masala…..this is total kaarm podi material :O

    btw..Aaa…aaaa reminds me of ila arun’s – Aaa…aaaa…Aaa…aaaa…nigodi kaisi jawani hai …jo baat sune na meri …..nigodi ! :p..like it ?.. now cool down a bit, will ya ? :)

  5. Pradyot

    Yes, mam’. I will try to follow those rules to the best possible way.

    Yoda: Funny, it is… but tolerate we must… humanity’s future for lies in decent commenting… and listen we must to those for who the force is strong.

    Ok that doesn’t make much sense. Anyways, hope it is not deleted. :)

  6. Greatest Desi Hokie Ever

    [Megha] If you behave like an ass, I have some very angry henchmen who are looking for a refund on hair-regeneration products who would love to use you for shot-put practice.
    Can I have a couple of the henchmen on loan for some days ? Need to get my past bills cleared ! Sigh, some people never learn, do they ?

    Cheers,
    GHE

  7. Sriram

    [Megha] Ok.. me give easy solution. You follow such rules and you be free (like Morpheus saying “free your mind” kind of free!) of pesky commenters/people/animals/birds/insects who should be *bleached* or better yet, annihilated. (is that how you spell it?). Here we go

    1. Go to nearest woods/forest
    2. Find nearest big tree and then chop-chop the tree.
    3. Haul tree back to nearest workshop
    4. Find good wood-turning lathe (technical terms – fundoo, no?) and fit tree-piece on lathe.
    5. Switch on lathe and shape tree-piece like baseball bat.
    6. Imagine you are Manny Ramirez (and yes, you can alternatively imagine you are Big Papi) and wear Red Sox uniform.
    7. Take bat and locate pesky commenters/people/animals/birds/insects.
    8. Swing bat like Manny or Papi and ensure that bat lands square on pesky commenters/people/animals/birds/insects’ head. Pliss to note that when impact occurs, this sound should be heard for a 2-mile radius- *B-A-N-G*.
    9. Presto! pesky commenters/people/animals/birds/insects are gone!.

    [aNTi] – Doesn’t the title Aaa-aaaaa remind you of A.R.Rehman’s starting screech from a recent movie who’s name is the same as the title? ;)

  8. Devdutt

    Riddle me this…

    How is it, that I’m aaaaalways late on one of these rant deals of yours??? And its wink wink nudge nudge all around and I don’t have a clue??? Okay, that was my rant :)

    Seriously, someone needs to get a “My blog- my castle” bill into congress.

    BTW muchos gracias :)

  9. Pingback: DesiPundit

  10. Anonymous

    Frankly speaking, why do you even care? As you rightly said this is your place under the cyber sky – and if someone doesn’t like it, they should just leave. The more attention you pay to them, the more likely they are to try and provoke you more.

    E!

  11. Sagnik Nandy

    megha i have followd your blog very regularly ad have always loved it BUT today you have tested my patience. you have irked me in a way that i find very offensive. seriously. you have made an incorrect connection between Udita Goswami and Vikram Bhatt. Vikram Bhatt is no longer part of the regular Bhatt camp that Udita is a part of. Vikram had a fall out post Footpath and Udita and he hasn’t done any movies together. And still you raied a finger at Udita. How could you do this to me Megha – how? I am disappointed.

  12. iii

    To steal from the greatest!
    She Floats like a butterfly – stings like a bee
    devastating left hook.
    Winner By KO – Ms M’o'M *

    * M’o'M -Meghalomania. (ref also: “Do not attack other commenters. I get very den-mother-like about such things”. Rule4 line 1,2).

  13. loverBoy

    ROTFL :D. The seven commandments of Megha is ideal for ‘Commenting Ethics for Dummies’.

    “But patience, is often mistaken for incompetence.”
    How very true! It so happened that sometime back I unwantingly messed-up with a goon and trying to be smart, I exhibited patience and let it go. But the hood thought I am incompetent and started abusing me more. I left the place angrier than what I was at the start of the argument!

  14. iyer education (aka rumpy)

    see… last time i told you that you love your blog… now you have become a “protective mother” too… all maternal instincts is what i see in this post… not only have you made rules for your kid (your blog that is), but you have also made rules for all the members of the “co-operative housing society” and their kids as to how to deal with your kid (your blog that is)… i will take a printout of this list, as a “minutes of the meeting” list and keep them in mind while commenting… now did i cross the “lakshman rekha” with this comment…

    oh by the way, “lakshman rekha” reminds me of that cheesy song that was from the movie of the same name, that was picturised on naseeruddin shah… which goes
    “kya gaadi hai… kya number hai… kya body hai… kya bumper hai…” (exits singing that song)

  15. aNTi

    Hmmm… suddenly stuck me this morning, as I was looking at a full length mirror that I don’t qualify to be a Zeenat. So I asked the mirror to suggest something.. and lo… it said that I definitely am not a Zeenat, but I could be a Amjad! And he is in that song too, right?

    *cringes as he remembers the Tam remake of that movie, definitely not because it starred Thalaivar, but it also starred a gum chewing Sivaji Ganeshan reprising the Amjad Khan role!

  16. Krishna

    Hi,

    I know this comment would be completely unrelated to the topic (or whatever it is called, may be blog) posted. Infact it is not even a comment.

    How can you guys be so full of wit? Whether it is the primary author, Megha, or the commenters. I see poems, movie masala, and the fun list might go on.

    Does a person like me need “Blogging for dummies?”

    Cheers
    K

  17. Jammy

    YumnYum,
    No point in getting agitated, my friend. Kya aap ke paas Ajmeri baba ka number hai?
    Sab ke paas Ajmeri baba ka number hona chahiye…
    Over 100 years family experience who solves all your problems including love, matrimony, business, depression, black magic etc., and remove all your problems once and forever.
    Contact: 07977 464013

    on second thots, watching any movie of our Rajni Baba might comfort u faster…

  18. gvenum

    Hey! Hey! If you ulta the angry dude picture, you will find him whimpering just like the way the “party pooping” commentators feel afer reading this post.

  19. aNTi

    [gvenum] Dude, I tried looking at that pic upside down.. and it looks like a bulldog or boxer or whatever…

    [vasu] That movie had some hilarious scenes. Remember that Kattabomman re-enaction? Sivaji seemed to go through the whole movie with his eyes screwed tight like slit and that gum chewing…. I think that is what makes my mom raise in rage whenever she sees someone chewing gum!

    [sriram] I did not miss your comment earlier. I just chose not to react.. Rahman and screeching.. what are you saying! :O Pichupuduven pichu…

  20. D

    :)
    abbaaaaa!
    (do we know someone who says that?! ;) )
    you are like what paresh rawal describes in the reliance mobile ad… “this girl is aaasome ya..”

  21. wanderer

    well, whoever wrote whatever crap he/she wrote, got ur attention and I suppose that is what he/she was looking for. also, mayb in the bargain, 20 other folks digged out his comment, went to his site, and the guy with the handlebar moustache is right now gloating, looking at the jump in his webstats.

    my guess would be that ‘ignore’ or ‘delete and ignore’ is a better strategy than calling attention to attn-seekers.. of course, my guesses have a habit of going wrong..

  22. jethro

    I appreciate the fascination for Hindi movies. But arent you doing a disservice to a far superior artform called the Telugu cinema by not featuring it at all. Surely Chiranjeevi and his clan are much more exemplary than Mithunda and Rahul Roy.

  23. Magnus

    Megha,

    Personally, I feel ppl commenting on other blogs should be humble. I feel heat behind my ears everytime, i see a rude anonymous post, even though it is not a spam.

    BTW, whats that ‘editing our own comments’ thingy ppl are talkin abt here? Does that mean that i can edit my comments?? I dont see any option like that here.. Is it visible only to certain species?? :-)

    May be that feature will help me edit my typo that comes up sometimes.

  24. loverBoy

    Megs,
    Will you write something or not? Cause I am sick of visiting your blog everyday and finding that you haven’t written a new post. C’mon girl, the world is waiting to hear from you! :-)

  25. Megha Post author

    [All] First of all, sorry about falling off the face of the earth. Haven’t been in the pink of health lately, hence the silence. But all that is now in the past and we are rejuvenated and back to annoy. Second of all, please to not worry about people getting to us/getting under our skin. This post was not a result of any *one* commenter’s nasties. This post was long due for a number of reasons (that we won’t go into right now), so we finally got it out of our system and are feeling much better. As you know, ranting is most therapeutic. If you haven’t tried it yet, you should too sometime!

    Now onto the responses, although most of you have probably given up and won’t bother reading this :|

    [Essar] The way I figure, starlets and wannabes don’t provide much entertainment on screen, so I’m simply trying to give them a purpose in life. A greater social cause, if you will. Glad you like visiting here, and do keep commenting. We are a glutton for that :)

    [Sriram] Not to worry, me is relaxed only. But no no no, one *should* go ballistic on people once in a while. Especially so if you’ve been doing the whole ‘ignore them, they’re not worth it‘ routine. It is good to mix things up a lil and set things straight, sometimes. As for the cannibal jungle dance, I figured Mallika with her lack of clothes was a better candidate for that :)

    [Jay] Aw c’mon now, have you done any of the things on the list? *raised eyebrow* And yes, the milk/champagne switch was intentional. Glad you noticed! And yes, I *am* referring to myself in the plural. At last count there are seventeen of us and we all take turns writing this blog. Hope that clears things some? :)

    [Pingoo] Yes, I am chill like a kulfi now, not to worry :) And exactly how did my rant remind you of Ila Arun? Eeks!

    [Pradyot] There’s a lot of things i’ll delete, but pointless nonsense is not one of them :) Especially when we indulge in a good bit of it ourselves! Thank you for intending to follow the rules ;)

    [aNTi] Thankoo :)

    [Hokie] Things have been quiet on the blog of late, so the henchmen have been loitering around the local paan ki dukaan lately. As opposed to the gori ka makaan that they are posted at, that is. So sure, you can have them for a few days as long as you promise to return them.

    [Sriram] Oooh I likey! And then the commenter-at-the-receiving-end-of-the-thwack will mutter my favorite punny line — I wondered why the bat kept getting bigger. And then it hit me! :)

    [Devdutt] Arrey nahin! No wink wink, nudge nudge business here. Contrary to impressions, this wasn’t about any one mysterious commenter, more like a whole bunch of annoyances. BTW, all settled in, I hope? And kaahe ka gracias? I am sorry. Friend ditched email reply so couldn’t help much anyway :(

    [Anon] Yesh, true that. But sometimes it feels good to rant. This was one of those moments :)

    [Casablanca] Thankoo :)

    [Sagnik] Idiot :)

    [Raj] You should see the video of laila o laila to know exactly what I’m talking about :)

    [swathi] This applies to all cretins, feathered or not :)

    [shoefiend] Sorry to have been the bringer of bad news for you. Some Kleenex to make you feel better?

    [iii] Ooh, I like the M’o'M funda :)

    [gvenum] Just cos you don’t have a handlebar moocha, you just assumed you are a Zeenat eh? :)

    [loverBoy] Yes, the patience-incompetence line is one my dad taught me after years of being a manager :)

    [Rumpy] Yesh, I do love my blog and I do get mommy-like about my commenters. Not all of them. Only the nice ones. The bad ones I treat like vermin. But what to do. We are like this only. And you didn’t cross any Rekhas (or Hema Malinis) with your actual comment, but that song might have just put you over the top :)

    [Anurag] Yesh, we stalk all our stalkers.

    [KJ] Hope you had a wonderful Diwali too! (A lil belated, I know.) Glad you liked :)

    [aNTi] Oh my lord, Sivaji Ganeshan plays Amjad’s role? So who is Vinod Khanna? And who O who is Zeenie? :)

    [Krishna] You are giving us all too much credit. We are just a bunch of crazy people having some fun. (Yes that applies to you commenters too, and I won’t accept any complaining in the matter, so shoo.) But I’m glad you liked. Now join in and add to the nonsense! :)

    [Jammy] That ad absolutely ROCKS, doesn’t it?! It is seriously the bestest Ajmeri Baba ad ever! Meri zindagi jaise bikhar si gayi thhi .. Uff, what drama. What senti.

    [Pushuka] I didn’t draw it. Lazy me just Googled and stole :)

    [gvenum] Ah, major funda that. I have to agree with [aNTi] about the bulldog-face though.

    [D] Gee I wonder *who* says that? ;)

    [wanderer] Well, in this case, your guess was a wee bit wrong, since this post wasn’t directed at any one person. Also, the offending comments were long deleted, so nobody could dig out those comments, even if they tried. Hee haw :) Lastly, delete and ignore is what we have been doing for six months now. Thought we’d mix things up a little and do something different! But please to continue to suggest, in any case :)

    [jethro] Chiranjeevi has a very special place in my heart and there’s a painful childhood story about him that is waiting to be told. Some day, I hope to tell it on my blog and invoke the collective sniggers of the audience. But that day is not today, thankfully :) On a more serious note, I agree. Telugu cinema has its own share of mockabilities (yes, I made up that word) and I don’t seem look to my Gult roots often enough. It shall be kept in mind in the future. Thankoo for bringing our attention to this oversight :)

    [Magnus] Yesh, you can edit your own comment for the first half hour of posting it as long as you come back to the blog from the same computer that you wrote the comment from. That’s what all this talk is about :)

    [IdeaSmith] Thankoo! But why the mysterious ‘no comment’ take on things? You got me curious now :)

    [Vasu] Nah, I stopped being pissed the moment I wrote the post. Have been a bit under the weather lately, hence the silence. Precious is back to annoy, not to worry :)

    [Maria] Thank you! Will see you around more often :)

    [Mousey extra] Hellow! Lookie who’s here! How’s the begum doing?

    [loverBoy] With a demand like that how could I refuse? The comment response is here to read. Post will follow soon!

  26. MDH masale

    Ok, hey, i’m new. And i dont have anything to say, and you’ve already answered everyone so i’m a little late. But hey, you started with MDH. I know something cool. That stands for “Mahashian Di Hatti”. And the old man in the ads, you know, looks like Mr. Burns with more hair, is who everyone calls `Mahashay’. Cool eh. i found out cos i went to a hospital they own, for a story.

    -4wd

  27. aNTi

    [megha] Hmm.. let me see.. Vinod Khanna? Hmm.. Who was Amjad Khan (the police officer) after in the movie? If it was Vinod Khanna, then that character was played by Rajinikanth. Then there was another guy who had a small kid (played by the then “Baby” Shalini a.k.a Mrs. Ajit Kumar) and that was played by Kannada guy Vishnuvardhan. And the Zeenat Aman character was played by Madhavi!

  28. wanderer

    I must say ‘Good Job’..
    making sure that you got the fun of ‘letting it all out’, without those folks getting any mileage out of it..

  29. iyer education

    first and last of all… thanks for finding a corner in your beautiful house… i really love getting the “window seat” and i have just got that here…

    second and secondlast of all, what does this mean ‘in the three degrees of egotism in a tam, he’s right in the middle‘, pliss to be explaining the meaning of this… sachi bol raha hoon… not too much engliss understanding :(

    and finally… feels good to be get “confirmed berth” (indian railways style) on “www.meghalomania.com”

  30. iyer education

    mistook became wrong… this list on the left keeps on changing dynami-kali (aka kashmir-ki-kali) haan?… magik… wonderful magik… no wonder you threaten others with your dose of voodoo… now i am 2 afraid of your magik…

  31. Pallavi

    Whew… congrats and its nice too see you here… Love the work that you have done in this blog… hahah and nice set of rules.. should apply on all personal blogs .. LOL :)

  32. Whatever!

    Don’t be too bothered by the freaks, they are here to stay! The big constant in life. Wonder if that wouldbe reassuring to anyone? And of course I firmly am of the belief that if people say some random-incomprehensible-in-bad-taste things about you, things that are yours or matter to you; they must be prepared to/and I daresay deserve to be doled out in kind. We live in an egalitarian world after all! More power to you, I say!

  33. Megha Post author

    [MDH Masale] Hello new :) Well I continue to answer, so you’re not particularly late. Interesting bit of trivia about MDH and the turbaned uncle associated with it. And welcome to the blog!

    [aNTi] It has been a while since i’ve seen the movie, but I think Amjad Khan (the cop) is after both FK and VK? Am guessing Rajini played Feroz Khan’s role though, since he is the main hero of the movie (he gets the girl and doesn’t die). On the Qurbani note – one of the more famous bits of trivia is how Feroz Khan blew up a brand-new Mercedes for one of the action scenes, just for style sake! The best part of Qurbani, for me though, was Vinod Khanna .. he has *never* looked as dashing and droolable as he did in it .. *sigh*

    [wanderer] Yesh. What is it they say about saanps maring, and laathis not tooting? :)

    [Rumpy] Do you prefer to be called the more polite Iyer Education? Cos if you do, it isn’t happening. Yes, while the window seats are on rotation, a seat on the plane is guaranteed always. Some geeky magic at work. (Ouch about the kashmir ki kali, btw). As for the egotism .. that be an old riddle/joke that goes thus – Q: What are the three degrees of egotism in a Tam? A: I, Iyer and Iyengar. Thought you already knew since your blog tagline is something like that too, no?

    [Pallavi] I totally agree. But the blog world would be a remarkably uneventful place then, I suppose :)

    [Whatever] Freaks and change – the two constants in life, eh? Thank you much for the encouragement :)

  34. iyer education

    [megha] thou art all knowledgeable… thou knows all three levels of egoes of ‘madrasis’ and thou enlightened me with one of them… now i will get ‘moksh praapti’…

    and why does kashmir ki kali hurt… haan haan? i find it kinda funny because the first time i saw that movie, all through i was only trying to figure out which one is the hero and which one is the heroine… they look so alike… and all so man-womanly…

    and you can all me anything… starting from “abey” to “aye pstch pstch”… rumpy and iyer education are very very polite and i hate politeness :P

  35. Hombre de Marte

    Jethro, I back you up 200% on your comment about our telugu Megastar. Chiranjeevi, a highly reverenced actor, who makes the most of the dough in Indian cinema. He is a versatile actor who not only rocks the masses, but also carved a niche for himself as the best actor among the class audienc. He is being on the top for the past two decades with his unparalleled acting and dance skills.

    Hey wait! Is it just good acting and dancing which makes him the best???? The answer is “hell NO”. He is best because … he can skid under a truck along with a horse without dismounting; smoother than a hockey player. He can fly a tractor defying Newton’s law of gravity. He can knock of 100 men. Let me rephrase that. He can knock of 100 armed men with greater ease than Tyson knocking off a bull. He can fire a revolver as if it was a cornucopia of bullets and lets not talk about the number of bullets his chest can take before he says “ouch!” Phew! These are the very few of his infinitive feats that makes him a super human without a super costume. Now his costumes reflect a trend of Fusion Fashion. Lungis with basketball sneakers, and Police chesma. Jaali baniyan with Armani blazer. Which makes him irresistibly attractive for the heroines who always happen to be half of his age. Do I really need to say even a word more before every one of you says out loud “Jai Chiranjeeva, Jagadeka veera…”)

    I am playing, chiranjeevi. You know I am a die-hard fan of yours

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