We’ve moved into our new home, the curtains have gone up, and the customary milk-popping and champagne-boiling are all done with. So now for more exciting things. Since we don’t rant often enough on our blog, we thought we’d mix things up a bit this time. After all, as we are often found saying — variety is the garam masala of life. Or MDH Chunky Chaat Masala, if you prefer that.
A majority of the readers of this blog are nice people who visit and share their opinions via interesting comments. Those who just visit, but don’t comment — you guys are nice too. But there’s the other folks. Yes, you know who you are. This is for you.
- I don’t usually throw a hissy fit on my blog. Yes, I said on my blog, so those of you who know me in real life, shoo! But patience, is often mistaken for incompetence. The fact that I do not react doesn’t mean I cannot. As I have said before — this blog has, for the most part, been a cheerful and positive place and I intend to keep it that way. The day I decide to change that, *I* will do so, not you. If you don’t like what I write, run along. I am sure you will find a ton of blogs that suit your discerning and eclectic tastes.
- I don’t expect you to agree with me on everything. Sure, disagree. But be polite about it. I believe the world is an inherently nuanced place and there are few absolute rights and wrongs. You have your views and I have mine, and they can be diametrically different. And my neighbors don’t have any views, now that the curtains have gone up. But if you don’t like or agree with something I say, do not resort to name calling and cheap shots. Also, sarcastic digs like ‘ooooh, you are a cyber goddess, we don’t have a choice but to agree with you’ will not be tolerated.
- Don’t complain about my style of writing. This is a personal blog, so it will always be reflective of my style and my interests. Yes, you can have your likes and dislikes, but don’t expect me to cater to them. I am glad you like some of what I write, but expecting that I will only write in a way you like is akin to expecting Rahul Roy to make a comeback.
- Do not attack other commenters. I get very den-mother-like about such things. What you think of a fellow commenter’s intellect, sense of humor, levels of desperation or unmentionable body parts, is information best kept to yourself. In addition, if you have any ideas of torrid affairs between commenters StudMuffin and CoyGiggler, sell them to Vikram Bhatt who will make a movie out of it. It will be stylish, have no substance and star Udita Goswami in very little clothes. But on my blog, I am the drama queen and we don’t need your filmi romances to add to the mix.
- If you sass me, I can sass you back. I am supremely good at it and I suggest you don’t try to find out how good. But if you think I’ll get into a who’s-the-bigger-smartass match with you, think again. If I don’t have the inclination to deal with you, the delete button will start looking vaiiiiry attractive.
- Yes, if you write something that I think doesn’t deserve to be here, I will delete it. How do I decide what to delete? I am glad you asked. Mostly it is my purely subjective opinion, but as a general rule of thumb — anything that is inflammatory, attacking, derogatory, nasty, or any variant thereof — it will appear and disappear faster than Mallika Sherawat’s clothes.
- Whether you visit here because you like what I write, or whether an obsessive desire to puke brings you here, remember — my blog is my home on the web. When you are in my home, you will play by my rules, or you will be unwelcome. If you behave like an ass, I have some very angry henchmen who are looking for a refund on hair-regeneration products who would love to use you for shot-put practice.
Now, after all this, if you’re still wondering who I’m addressing, let me help you. Remember that mouse-like extra behind Zeenat Aman in laila o laila from Qurbani (1980) ? He has no actual value whatsoever, but manages to make his presence felt by going aaa-aaaaa in a most unpleasant manner? You want to look at the sexy bombshell but instead you have to deal with a scrawny guy with a handlebar moocha, rotating his head in a laws-of-physics defying freakish way. Yep, that unwanted sidey is who this post is for. But the rest of you Zeenats should read it too.