Predictions, predilections, elections

This post is a sham. It may be wrapped in the guise of a warm-and-fuzzy childhood tale, but at the heart of it all, it’s just shameless self-promotion. As discerning readers you have probably come to expect that from this blog anyway, but once in a while, we like to state the obvious.

My mom takes her astrology very seriously. She’s drawn up jaatakams and janm-kundlis of mine from the day I howled my way into the universe. This is how I think the story happened — It was a dark and stormy night, many many moons ago. Barely a few days after a certain kid we all know was dropped on her head, a nervous mom stumbled her way over to the family astrologer, cloaked in a black shawl. Darting indoors, she presented the freak-kid in question to the kindly bespectacled astrologer, a Mr X Y Z Krishnamurthy, who peered at it suspiciously. You sure this is what the hospital handed over to you? he asked. Yes, I’m positive, she said. Okay, he sighed. Sit down. I’ll see what I can do.

Charts were drawn, planets were nudged around and a couple of lunar ecplises were forced in. And finally a game plan was created. She will be a lawyer, he announced, his voice echoing suitably for effect. The clouds thundered ominously and prophetically. And a satisfied mom went home, dreaming visions of her dotty on the bench. No not the techie consultant kind, the weird wig kind.

The years passed and a harassed mommy went through yetanudder day of dotty-dear refusing to do as she was told and counter-arguing everything. The whole lawyer thing wasn’t apparently working out like planned. Checking the fine-print in the astrologer contract, she saw to her relief that there was a money-back guarantee. Aha! she said, and promptly appeared at the astrologer’s doorstep. After some machinations, a dinosaur egg was hatched.

One summer evening, I had just returned home after playing hopscotch — a pigtailed kid, clueless about the things life had in store for her. I met Krishnamurthy uncle today, said mom. He says you will be a big celebrity one day! Images of being a famous-yet-mysterious, Zorro-type persona rushed into my ten-year old head. Really?, I asked eagerly. Yes, your horoscope is identical to N T Rama Rao, said mom excitedly. A pink splotch of strawberry Complan remains on the kitchen wall today, bearing testament to my visceral reaction at that moment. My head swam with kaleidoscopic visions of red pants, shiny shirts, industrial strength make-up and glued-on wigs. (What’s with the recurring wig theme, anyway?) You mean I will raise my thick eyebrows menacingly while thrusting my hips at Sridevi and Jayaprada?, I asked nervously. No silly, said mom dismissively. You will become a famous politician one day.

Heavy-duty words that followed me for life. Hounded by them, I became a geeky engineer instead. I avoided bright lights and never wore cheap makeup or glitter. I went into denial each time I aced a civics test or recited the preamble to the Constitution of India by-heart. And bushy eyebrows still freak me out.

But all that is a-changing today. This drama-queen is asking for your votes and becoming the very actor-turned-politican she loathed to be. And unabashedly so. Much joy. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this blog has been nominated at the IndiBloggies in two categories — IndiBlog of the year and Best Designed IndiBlog. Ahem. Cool, no? Yes we are in some august company, and it is only January. Yeah okay, enough with the banal puns. Now pliss to be the nice readers that you are and head over to the IndiBloggies site and do the needful.

Of course, regardless of who you choose, I will continue to torment you with my nonsense, surreptitiously packaging it in a wispy cloud template so you never see it coming. But if you do vote for this madhouse, you shall have my eternal thanks and all associated niceties. What? You want more? Oh fine, I’ll try not to generate kids that end up looking like Balakrishna. No wait. I can’t promise that. I’ll have to check with Krishnamurthy uncle first.

43 thoughts on “Predictions, predilections, elections

  1. kavoori

    u dont know about indibloggies till my comment or this post has come a little later. :-) ??
    a very interesting post indeed … about the typical south indian sentiments about jatakam .
    hope krishnamurthy uncle has some good news in store for you

  2. Decamisado

    We take our, er, hat off to you.

    Shall proceed, post-haste, to vote, stopping only long enough to deliver the traditional good luck greeting for actors, which also works as a genoowine wish for politicians.

    Our salaams to the gawppies.

  3. Vasu

    Been there, DONE that! :-)
    Good Luck! :-))
    Wonder, what’s your horoscope (mine, I usually refer to as horrorscope) says about bloggies’ awards!

  4. Dev

    Yay for you!

    *Chorus*
    Humaari Neta Kaisi ho? A Walk In The Clouds Jaisi ho!

    *In my best political observer voice*
    I think its a runoff between Megalomania and Greatbong :P

    PS: Just coz I don’t comment so much any more, doesn’t mean I don’t read. You know u r on the top of my rss reader :P

  5. Rajesh J Advani

    ROFL! This was amaaaaazing! Totally laugh-out-loud-laugh-riot!

    And yes, best wishes hoping you will be crowned chief minister. Please to note request to not do Jayalalitha on us in return. Or Uma Bharti. Or Mamta Banerjee. Or Rabri Devi. In fact please not to become chief minister. Please to look for becoming chief jester instead. Please please.

    Okay, now me going and voting.

  6. ASY

    I fell in love with you the moment I laid my eyes on you.
    In the ‘Best Design’ category
    Hast mine vote been cast
    I tried too
    But in vain to rig the elections
    But was caught, in flagrante delicto,
    In the act of voting again.
    All I do now
    Is look above
    In the hope of
    Seeing a Silver Lining in the Clouds.

  7. Anil Kumar

    Congratulations lady for your blog being voted the best blog. I did not read your blog regularly but I feel it is pretty decent.

    As for this post, astrologers live on a simple human nature of knowing the future before hand and the anxiety of knowing it , that they approach the astrologers and find solace in listening to them , coz most of the time , they speak what ppl wants to hear.

    Though I deny the whole concept of astrology , but I still read the Forecats on ToI by Bejan Daruwala. Even I cant explain this behaviour of mine.

    -ATG

  8. twinkletoes

    i jsht voteted for you, of course, o provider of mirth in this gloomy wintry collllllllld world…
    :o)
    i have my “home” version of your unkul murthy-this dude has been around since i was prepubertal(aeons ago) and because of a weird atavistic impulse i consult him via my mumsy, who, by the way, is obsessed with da stars and planets!
    and oh,
    happy nude rear!

  9. Bengali Guy

    One of the most important parameters that go into determining your astrological records is your official time of birth. Now, the birth process is not a instant process. I mean its not like you blink your eye and the out comes baby from the mother’s womb straight into your lap. Often the doctors and the nurses have to go thorough a bout of tug-of-war with the mother and the baby. So what exactly is the “time of birth” ? Is the time when the head pops out, or when the baby squeaks out the first cry ?

  10. Raj

    I already voted for you since yours is the only blog out of those nominated that i read :))

    Best of luck *thumbs up*

  11. Megha Post author

    [kavoori] Well, [Decamisado] mentioned about the IndiBloggies nomination a few comments above yours, so that’s how I found out about it. And when it comes to K-uncle, I tend to follow the no news is good news policy :)

    [Decamisado] Thank you for only taking off the hat and thus not turning this blog into a Salman Khan movie. And thankoo for the vote too :)

    [Vasu] Thankoo thankoo :) I shall make a emergency call to K-uncle and ask him what he thinks my chances are. Although I am probably better off asking Ajmeri Baba. He isn’t my spiritual guru for nothing these days, you know? :)

    [aNTi] Not unless Adrien Brody was himself presenting the award ;)

    [Bhanu] Thanks much! :)

    [Dev] Aww thankoo thankoo! *bows graciously, hands folded, putting on her best humble-yet-smug expression and realizes that she looks like an idiot when she does it* Er? More like India Uncut and GreatBong, you mean no? I am delusional yes, but not *that* delusional :) And top of the RSS reader eh? Does that have something to do with the list being alphabetical? *eyebrow duly raised* Still we are glad you do! :)

    [Rajesh] Glad you liked! And not to worry. I am likely to, at most, graduate from a Shilpa-Shetty-wannabe to a full-fledged Shilpa Shetty. But nothing more than that. We know our place and we intend to stay put in it :)

    [Terri] Thank you! And why wouldn’t you be eligible? As far as I know, anyone can vote?

    [Rk] Yay! Thank you!

    [m.] Thankoo thankoo! :)

    [ASY] Aww, you tried to rig the election? That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me blog! Much flattered and thrilled. Thankoo :) And oh, welcome to the blog. Don’t think we’ve seen you around before?

    [Anil] Thank you. Agree that the anxiety of the future is what astrologers thrive on. But I am not very sure if I am really better off knowing about a future that I cannot change. Isn’t ignorance bliss, in such matters? Hm, something to think about.

    [twinky] Yay for voting for me :) And happy bums-without-clothes to you too! Hope your version of K-uncle gives you better news than mine?

    [Bengali Guy] Interesting question. Considering that the duration between the head popping out and the first squeak can be considerably long, perhaps a mean/median type calculation would be the most appropriate one?

    [:-)] Ooh thankoo! *shamelessly jumps with joy* :)

    [Raj] Glad it was so easy for you. And thank you! :)

    [Meeta] Thanks! Glad you dropped in :)

  12. ammas

    i was wondering why i didnt see your blog earlier.. may be everything has its on time to get revealed..

    anyways your blog was kind of a revelation to me,, ( may be for my blog at least, its kind of stagnant pages, yep they dont move.. :) )

    anyways i like musik, good websites, i mean good designs and all that is about the wonderful creation called human..

    And I LOVE MY COUNTRY>> my motherland, my BHARAT !

  13. moonshine

    hey Megha :) you write really well :)
    ‘industrial-strength makeup and glued-on wigs’ indeed!! reminded me of my childhood days when I used to participate in dramas :D
    keep up the good work :)

  14. Bhanu

    Bengali Guy…now come on, astrology is steeped in Mathematics and I do not think it will predate concepts of mean and median. For all you know astrology might include standard deviations and normal distributions -:)

    Also, I heard sometime back…that its the ‘crowning’ i.e. the appearance of the head is the moment to consider for the ‘time’. But I guess nobody follows any specifically laid down guideline.

    I used to think about astrology. I still do not know if I believe in it or not. I am not into it. However, science says that every object in this universe has an impact on another object. If tiny atoms are subject to gravity (the air) and they rotate along with the earth….what to speak of ‘creatures’ like us?. So, at the core of it…there has to be an ‘impact’ of the celestial objects on us in one way or the other…whether that leads to astrology in the form it is….no answer. I just dont want to write it off due to the logic described above. The real question, as Megha put it…is whether we want to know what is in store (if at all there is such an expert to do the readings correctly).

  15. Hombre de Marte

    ‘Baar’ ‘baar’, mommy asked you to complete your “Bar”. But, you ignored it “har baar”
    After a lot of “intezaar” she desired you to be a lady “NT Yaar”, but you did not “ekraar”.
    Now she must have got “bezaar”, and you might end up with mama’s “maar”.

    Hmmm, that was a bad one. But I am pretty sure your mom must be very proud of you.

    I just got my nail inked! I had equal pleasure casting my vote for your site as I have reading it. Though I read none of the competing blogs, I believe yours to be the best. (Between you and me; I was too lazy to read them.) Way to go señora!

  16. Bengali Guy

    The time of birth determines your lagna, rashi which then go on to determine everything else that will happen to you. This is the most fundamental parameter. That is why I was so curious about the definition of birth time. So, it seems that birth time which defines everything else in your chart itself is undefined or rather ill defined :-)

    One easy thought experiment. I read this a long time back – dont remember where. Think about all the people dead in the tsunami. Do you think all their charts, and all the lines on all their hands would ALL say that they would be dead at the precise day ? I bet they wouldnt.

  17. Bhanu

    But we do not know what the charts ands palms of the unfortunate folks said. Of course, you qualified it to say it was just a thought experiment.

  18. Helmi

    If you win at Indibloggies it would be deservedly though. I found my way via Kousik’s blog to yours – and I will definitely be back..

    I have never had a horoscope worked out for me – since I do not know the exact time of my birth. Pity, eh? Now I have to continue to go through my life without knowing what the future will hold for me..

  19. Megha Post author

    [Pallavi] Yay! Glad to hear that :) Thankoo!

    [ammas] Am not sure exactly how my blog turned out to be a revelation for you, but if it did, I am not complaining :) Glad you dropped in and do keep visiting!

    [moonshine] Glad it brought back memories. Thanks for dropping in. Come again! :)

    [Bengali Guy] Are you suggesting that mathematics is a more recent science compared to astrology, when in fact (as Bhanu also mentions), astrology uses a lot of mathematics? In any case, it looks like [Bhanu] and you are having a nice lil debate on this, so i’ll play the innocent bystander on this one ;)

    [Sriram] Are wah! You are a goon now? Much coolness! Call yourself whatever you please, just make sure you vote! :)

    [vrreddy] Thanks for voting :) Glad you liked!

    [Hombre de Marte] I’m guessing that mom is secretly relieved that there isn’t a courtroom somwhere in the world where I am demonstrating my histrionics with a flurry of violins in the background, shouting – nahin milorrrd nahin! ye sarasar na-insaafi hai! I do that enough on this blog already. Be it laziness, lack of choice or any other reason – glad you voted for us. Much thankoo :)

    [Helmi] Hello and welcome to the blog! Not knowing what the future has is store for you is a relief methinks, especially when that future is not in our control. Glad you visited and hope to see you around again :)

  20. iyer education

    good thing… i hope you win… and once you win… you have to satisfy your voters with more posts on chiranjeevi, nagarjuna, venkatesh…

    all the best… and your mom and uncle krishnamoorthi were right… u were famous… i just hope they are tech savvy enought to read blogs to see their predictions coming true :)

  21. aNTi

    [Megha] I did not want to join the Bobby Jindal wannabes and sport a ink blot on one of my thumbnails. Oh wait, those tulips look like ink blots on my thumbnail, a different type, though. But i did cast my vote and keeping with the moral voting code, I won’t say who I voted for.
    And hey, Thank God for Adrien Brody, huh? ;)

    [God] Please bless and save Adrien Brody from all these women. He does not deserve this hell for that single rush of blood! For Heaven’s sake, it was Halle Berry (The best example of Satan’s naughty work, if there was ever one…) that was standing next to him. Cut him some slack man. He’d be happy to do a stint in that pot of boiling refined sunflower oil that your minions are using these days (And you thought we wouldn’t know about your cholestrol problems!).

  22. Pingback: A walk in the clouds.. » A disappointment

  23. raj

    Oh man! you missed my vote :( sry bout tht..wil try 2 prove my loyalty next time! its been a pretty hectic month..again..m very sorry bout tht..i must consult krishnamoorty to re-arrange the planets in your favour ;) All the best!and…..nice post..!!:)

  24. Gabby

    Omigod, this post was HILARIOUS…pity this mommy-to-be missed the whole hungama…count on me next time this comes around…

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