Gult Attractiveness Quotient

I write ungodly long comments, that nobody reads. Snifff-full. At least, that’s what I’m going to believe, so I can strike a dejected Meena Kumari type pose and you all can chime in with ‘awwwws’ and tell me that it is not true. Yeah yeah. Anyway, on a more serious note — I think I babble a lot in the commentspace and I’d like to start putting up some of that yak yak as regular posts. This way I can —

  • Claim to write more frequently. Heh.
  • Mention my commenters ocassionally in my posts and win cookie points. (Raspberry shortbread be our favorite, just so you know. Nah, never cared much for brownies.)
  • Make you think twice before writing a nasty comment thinking nobody will notice it. Yes, it will be resurrected here in all its delicious glory to be flogged long after it is dead.

So to jumpstart the new tradition, here’s something from the commentspace of a post from about a month ago. A random remark of mine about Gult porn prompted some comments about the attractiveness (or lack thereof) of the Gult race. So I started to think about it. Which as some of you already know, is always and with no exceptions, a very bad idea. So here are my sweeping generalizations on the matter. Mostly cos I don’t have anything better to do at the moment.

Oh by the way, this is likely to piss off all my male Gult readers (four, at last count?) but stereotyping is so much fun. Plus the way I see it, if I am proved right, then yay me. And if I am proved wrong, then double yay me.

Sooo, Google searches seem to indicate that there is a dearth of Gult porn on the net. Which leads one to believe that either (a) it is non-existent OR (b) it is sooo good, that nobody wants to share it freely on the net. Since the latter is not likely (everything is free, one just needs to know how to find it), let us dissect the matter further, biology frog types.

  • The women

    Gult women are usually considered attractive. And not just to Gult men, although that’s an altogether special kind of romance. Arrey! You have four middle names? I also have four middle names! We were meant to be soulmates! Gush gush, blush blush. Public opinion also indicates that whether it is the more oomphy Sridevi and Jayaprada or the more demure and twinkly Waheeda Rehman, Gult women certainly have what it takes to make the men go sigh baba. (Let’s not get into a parochial argument about where Sridevi is from, pliss.)

    And this is not just about movie stars. Heck, even aNTi vouches for the fact that he knows a good number of Gult chamiyas. (A word we are proud to have taught him.) It is an altogether different matter that he claims to be ‘undeservingly single’ which makes one wonder what the deal is. But we’ll be tactful and not ask. Oh wait, I forgot. He is busy watching Kama Sutra with a ‘discerning eye’, so he has no time for them babes. The movie probably appeals to the soft core of the violent volcano that he is. Is it just me, or did that actually sound dirty? Never mind.

    But coming back to the point (You didn’t think there was one, did you? Ha!) demure saree-nudging and porn are two different things altogether, and perhaps we Gults are really good at the former, but have suspect skills in the latter? Now, to counter that, you might throw the more in-your-face-sex-appeal Sameera Reddy and Meghna Naidu types at me. (Well dammit, they won’t throw themselves at me, so you’re gonna have to do it!) But those are exceptions to the rule rather than the rule itself. No? Feel free to suggest otherwise with examples.

  • The men

    Ah yes, now we come to my real area of concern. NTR and ANR, Sobhan Babu and Murali Mohan, Chandra Mohan and Mohan Babu, my-dhobi-Mohan and Mohan-the-pan-shop-owner, Venkatesh and Nagarjuna, Balakrishna and Rajendra Prasad, Uday Kiran and Pawan Kalyan. Sure, they are fine specimens of manhood and all. And sure, they’ve worn red pants and yellow shirts, and at least half of them have thrust their hips obscenely. (Which probably led to the creation of the other half. Heh. Bad Megha. Sheesh.) But to lust after them is a rather scary and distasteful thought for both Gult and non-Gult women, methinks. Unless you have a thing for bushy eyebrows. Then you’re all set. No no, we’re not judgemental. Whatever tickles your fancy.

    And the one time I had a thing for a Southie hero, it was Karthik and he turned out to be Tam. Tchah. (It was right after watching Mouna Raagam, so cut me some slack please.) Oh by the way, I’ve left Chiru out of this list intentionally, of course. He’s special. Am sure you understand.

    Again, it is not just movie stars. Truth be told, there’s very few drop-dead gorgeous Gult men I have met/known/seen in my life. The women who read this blog, please to back me up on this. One time I thought I met a Gult who made my heart go thud-thud, he turned out to have half-Punjabi blood in him. Another time a Gult specimen got me all hubba-hubba, he opened his mouth and said — what is your good name, myaadam, and broke my heart. Yes, it does matter how they speak. Has the Deepak-Malhotra-pallo episode taught us nothing? (If you didn’t get that reference, you need to brush up on your pointless Hindi movie trivia from the early 90s.)

    Mind you, I am not saying there aren’t delectable Gult studs. I am just saying I haven’t met them yet. So all of you studmuffin readers of mine, not to go taking offense and all. (The non-studmuffins can take offense, no problemo.) Also, we are very willing to change our mind on this opinion we hold, so if you know people who defy this stereotype, don’t hesitate to introduce and all, okay? And please to not show them this blog post. Thenkewverrymuch.

So my conclusion is this. Gult women — Hot. Coy, but hot. Gult men — Eh. And maybe, the combination is what prevents Gult porn from happening? Opinions solicited, of course. And if you’re planning to take this post seriously and send me email bombs and leave nasty comments, may I remind you what apna Sallu advised everyone, while shaking his bum in 70mm glory — Beliya, dil se mila le dil .. just chill chill, just chill.

119 thoughts on “Gult Attractiveness Quotient

  1. Anon

    Pray what does “snifff-full” mean?? Is that a result of sandhi of “sniff” and “awful”? Or is that a telugu version? But methinks the telugu version would be “sniff-fullu” :-) Please enlighten!

  2. dodo

    [Aytida] …and no fake amru accent
    Why should there be a problem with “amru accent” as long as you know how to properly speak with it? No offence, but I feel like puking when I hear a desi with a “heavy” accent, as if somebody had tied a big stone to his/her tongue. And I’m not saying that the American accent is the best or something, it is my belief that it sounds much more pleasing than a heavy accent. And what’s wrong with being a Roman when in Rome?

    Nice flamebait Megha, I know it is easy to trap the gullible-gults. Though I’m an exception to the 2-category-generalization-of-7-crores that you made, you can’t have me, and “victory shall be mine”.

  3. Sriram

    [Anon] – Snifff-full is translated into english as “full of sniff”. It shouldnt be mistakenly translated as “full of snuff” which would mean our friendly “hood” gal (hindi villain ishtyle!) would be snorting assorted tobacco products.

    [Megha] – “Victory Is Mine!” as Stewey Griffin from Family Guy would say! why you ask? I convert you from friendly neighborhood gal to friendly “hood” gal. :P

  4. Paddy

    I didnt realise I was missing bigtime on this major gult fest! Now for the real encore: Gult Porn does exist and circulates among certain tribes much like the head of the last dodo in the universe. Its rare and to be shared with utter discretion because there isnt too much of it.

    But then to compensate for that our movies and literature had to be spiked with hints of it, so as to make sure that people get their dosage. Have you ever read “Sarasamaina Katha” series or rather “sirsheeka” in the most popular telugu weekly called “Swaati”.(I know Dr.Samaram’s column is extremely popular in that magazine but lets not go there). These stories were supposedly “sensual” but not enough to cross the line to be called “porn”.

    I see that Mr.Mahesh Babu or his pop Mr.Krishna havent been given adequate treatment in this monograph of yours.I implore you to include them in future discussions. Apart from that gult studs are there but apparently the distribution is lognormal instead of normal (meaning the numbers themselves dont align normally but if you take a logarithm of the numbers base 10 you would see they do align which means 10 transforms to 1 which means only 1 in 10 qualifies as a stud)

    -Paddy

  5. Siva Chandra

    I am in late but your comment about thick moustaches and hirsute bodies made me wonder wat u wud have for surds! … wat abt surd pondy? tat wud be an interesting research as well :D

    /Commenter precious

  6. twinkletoes

    (antji)
    ayyo, ye shruti kaun hey?!!!!
    ayyo swami….
    anywhat…
    not to be bragging bragging and all, but meself is a pretty good teacher when it comes to the matters of “shravanam” and all…
    but what with you and all, meself might be a tad distracted…what you bees thinking, pleass?

  7. aNTi

    [twinkulji] Aap jo “shruti” ke baare mein baath kar rahe the, hum bi usi ke baare mein baath kar rahe hain. Hum bhi ek adarsh vidyarthi hain. Aur aap jo bhi kahenge hum khamosh mein padenge. Par humko ek kostin hai. Humare Hindi gyan kuch kam hai. Tho hum samaj nahi paaye hain ki eh “shravanam” kya hai. Hum ko aisa feeling aa raha hai jo Ek Duji Ke Liye main Rati Agnihotri ko Kamal Hasan Tamil bolthe vakth hua tha, ! Jab woh bolti hai Yeh Romba Romba kya hai. Aur woh boltha hai..mhhmmm mhhhmm. Baghut confeesion main hain hum.

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  10. Hmm

    Interesting… Very interesting. “Site Design by MeghaM” – a link that links to the same site. Heh. I liked “Nimble Nimbus”, though.

  11. subbu

    I might be the 110th comment, but I have got to say this for the ‘gult’ community.. Me thinks is unfair that you zeroing in brushy moushes and sartorial colors as unique characteristics of these folks. Me also can think of other non-gults with these traits (Govinda ?)
    Anyways, moi married to handsome hunk, six footer, with looks to die for. Oh, did I mention he is gult ? :)

  12. raj

    Well! i Guess i missed the bus when most of you were on it! bt nevertheless, gult woman gult men and gult porn…somehow those 3 words never seem to go along :)..id like to share some GYAN here, I dont really see any gult females other than ofcourse sameera reddy and the likes except on bollywood screens! if you ask me…i guess you really havent come across any smart gult men..**Not all gult men are dumb, well most of them are n so are gult females.Agreed.**. If you expect gult men to look/behave like Tom Cruise, id say you will need to be another Catherine zeta..what I am coming to is, there is probably nothing to compare and contrast gultmen and women, coz neither of them necessarily make ur eyes pop out, and more so, i shud say, I havent seen a gult woman whos as *HOT* as Sameera Reddy offscreen, from coasts of vizag-anakapalli-hyderabad across Australia and US. In fact, id say pretty/sensible gult women in the real world are as *non-existant* as gult men, as u claim to be, BUT a fraction does exist. And coming to gult porn, forget it! its not even worth it!

  13. Sudha

    /*Truth be told, there’s very few drop-dead gorgeous Gult men I have met/known/seen in my life.*/

    So true…where can I find one *sob sob*

  14. Anon

    Been in gultland 8 months….not seen even one hot gult babe…even realised all the movie heriones out here are borrowed from other states. I wish what u said was true about gult women, but other than the ones you have mentioned not even one hot babe in this state.

  15. Ruchita

    Sorry for the rather late comment, but better late than never. No, actually I just chanced upon your blog and found it intriguing, at least this post. It struck me that if you’re going to generalise women on their oomph quotient based on the community, then my vote goes to the Bong babes. Look at the lot of them – Sush, Bips, Rani, Lisa Ray………you get my drift? I think a lot of ppl with agree me on that!

  16. ck

    Stumbled here when I googled Deepak Malhotra, prompted by a song from Lamhe. Barely anything on the poor guy, but this is absolutely hilarious. Great job Megha! Loved A Love Story in Seven Parts.
    Fun-hee comments too. But Anil Kapoor hotter than Deepak Malhotra? No way! More fluent in Hindi, and better diction, granted. Hotter? Nah, Malhotra’s still a Dreamboat. One who should have played a mime if he wanted to act, though…
    From a non-Gult, whatever your thoughts on the low average Attractiveness Quotient of Gult guys, you guys, and gals sure have a sense of humor, and can poke fun at yourselves, in style! It’s 4.15 am, and I am reluctantly tearing myself away… Hasta la vista

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  18. Aparna

    NTR and ANR, Sobhan Babu and Murali Mohan, Chandra Mohan and Mohan Babu, my-dhobi-Mohan and Mohan-the-pan-shop-owner, Venkatesh and Nagarjuna, Balakrishna and Rajendra Prasad, Uday Kiran and Pawan Kalyan.

    How dare you!! They epitomize HOTNESS!! The mush, the red pants, yellow shirts, everything is just HOT! I see that you so need to get a perspective!!

    And on the womes, what makes you forget Silukku Smitha, Disco Shanthi and the likes?

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