Raajamme? Pasu!

Picture this. A scene from an Adoor Gopalakrishan movie. (Doordarshan Sunday afternoon fare, circa 1990.) An elderly man, sitting on the verandah of his house, looks stoically at an empty field. Not a soul is in sight. The emptiness of the field symbolic of his own lifeless existence. A cow wanders onto the field. The man blinks, acknowledging the presence of life. He stares at the cow. The cow looks up and stares back. After a while the man suddenly calls out — Raajamme? Silence. Raajammme! he calls louder this time. A nondescript looking woman (surprisingly named Raajamme) in a cotton saree and coconut oil in her hair emerges from inside the house, wondering what the noise is. She looks questioningly at him. The man points out the cow in question and says — pasu! The cow blinks in response.

The elderly Mallu man is me. The empty field, this blog. And the sad, wandering pasu (animal) is this tag from Dhammo. Not Dhammo himself, just the tag. (On a sidenote, I think I need to work on changing this ‘Have tag, think of Megha’ tendency of his.) But anyway, here we go. As if this blog doesn’t talk about me enough already, here’s more pointless information that you’ll never need —

  • I am thinking about ..
    .. why I get suckered into doing tags like this.
  • I said ..
    .. Hum bolega to bologe ke bolta hai.
  • I want to ..
    .. do something earth-shattering like saving the world. And also keep my annoying cousins from sticking their nose into my life. And while I’m at it, read the complete works of Shakespeare. Yep, balance. Isn’t that what we all strive for?
  • I wish ..
    .. no no. My to-be-son, Vish. I, Megha.
  • I miss ..
    .. simpler times.
  • I hear ..
    .. the sound of silence. And music. And birds. And voices in my head. And people’s thoughts. And conversations. Quite a cacophony, now that I think about it.
  • I wonder ..
    .. I bandar. Yesh, I monkey. A clueless monkey at most times.
  • I regret ..
    .. not marrying Abhishek Bachchan when I had the chance.
  • I am ..
    .. I yam what I yam, and that’s all I yam. Popeye the Sailorman, ting ting!
  • I dance ..
    .. the dhinkichiki!
  • I sing ..
    .. ALL the time! Sample here.
  • I cry ..
    .. buckets when I chop onions. And while watching Karan Johar movies. (If you believed the latter, you really shouldn’t be reading this blog.)
  • I am not always ..
    .. insane.
  • I make with my hands ..
    .. shadow puppets on train tunnel walls. A dog, a deer, a bird. You know more? Teach me, pliss.
  • I write ..
    .. way more words than I should. Some here, on this blog. Some only in my mind.
  • I confuse ..
    ..the hell out of people I talk to. And I confuse the meanings of similar sounding words. And the order of the alphabet. And my left with my right. And my home and cellphone numbers. And my TV and cable remotes. Yeah, I am easy to confuse.
  • I need ..
    .. fawning fans who will do my bidding at the mere wave of my hand. Readers who think I am the next best thing after sliced bread. Crazed masses who worship the .. well, you get the drift.
  • I should try ..
    .. flirting with my trolls. Maybe it’ll make them go away?
  • I finish ..
    .. most things I start. Except when I don’t.

And now for some respectable souls who wouldn’t want to be caught indulging in such trivialities. Oh, if you don’t find yourself on this list, don’t feel left out. Please to treat my commentspace as your own home and use it generously!

  • Falstaff – I think he’ll kill me for this, but his reaction alone should be worth the risk.
  • Heh Heh – If Falsie doesn’t hurt me, he will. Probably kill me with a doodle, no less.
  • Anurag – He is to me, what I am to Dhammo – a tag-bakra. A goat and a dog both.
  • Sagnik – My only(?) Bong reader, so including him for diversity and all.
  • Neha – My hone-waali samdhan. HAHK – Part Two, waiting to happen.
  • Anantha – he’s being all pseud and all lately with fancy names, but he’s still apna aNTi.

Okie, that should be enough Raajammes. Now don’t go have a cow.

50 thoughts on “Raajamme? Pasu!

  1. Anantha

    [Megha] So how is the name Raajammme surprising? In Mallu land, you will be called Meghae. And I know of old ladies who were called Thangakunjammae by other old ladies! It’s just one of the cute quirks typical of all things Mallu.

  2. Falstaff

    Ah! A cow-ardly attack indeed. Sigh. One shall no bless. But one shall oblige. Eventually.

    Meanwhile, my suggestion: Read the complete works of Shakespeare out aloud to your cousins. Not only will kill two birds with one stone, you might even hit one of your cousins on a ricochet. Oh, and there’s not much point in saving the world if you’re only going to shatter it, is there? It’s like making omelettes with week old eggs.

  3. gvenum

    I regret ..
    .. not marrying Abhishek Bachchan when I had the chance.

    I am sure he feels the same about you after dating Ash. Have you tried sending this blog link, he might want to get in touch.

    There’s that Cow again! This Cow is the privileged one that keeps making special appearences time to time, sometimes I feel its Jr.AB keeping an eye on you in disguise.

  4. Tag It Easy Policy

    I am thinking about ..
    .. how to appear thoughtful without thinking.

    I said ..
    .. and then it was too late to take the words back.

    I want to ..
    .. break free. The same Free who has been sending me offers of Free Cialis, Free iPods, Free laptops, Free airtickets etc.

    I wish ..
    .. was plain. Wishwasghaat, ie. Thats what I’ve been told.

    I miss ..
    .. you. Till I get that sniperscope.

    I hear ..
    .. silent screams. Grass growing. Flowers blooming. The slow tread of a memory as it flits past…. everything except the alarm in the morning.

    I wonder ..
    .. duniya ka No 8 ajooba.

    I regret ..
    .. I are not egret. I am not egret. I am not even bald, leave alone bald eagle.

    I am ..
    .. an oil slick on a rainy road. A rainbow. In grime. Smooth. And slippery :) (Also prone to be sticky)

    I dance ..
    .. when no one is looking. Or when I am too happy to care if they are.

    I sing ..
    .. for my own pleasure. If ya wanna hear and *enjoy*, get yourself an iPod and listen to pros.

    I cry ..
    .. main aksar dekh ke …. errr. If I sang Ataullah Khan, *you’d* cry.

    I am not always ..
    .. No, not *always*. Mostly, though.

    I make with my hands ..
    .. magic. Hehhhh. I wish. Mostly, sand castles.

    I confuse ..
    .. Sigh, my gult accent will be the death of me. I * Comp* use.

    I need ..
    .. to get an afterlife.

    I should try ..
    .. spkng wtht vwls.

    I finish ..
    .. at the beginning, I believe a very good place to finish.

  5. Raj

    Seems like u’ve got what you need (a fawning fan who thinks you are the best thing since sliced bread) but u still don’t value it :(

    *hurt bcos one wasn’t tagged and hence won’t be treating the commentspace as home*

  6. raj da 2nd

    Feels like you r diagonally parked in a parallel universe ..:) n rite now, I belong to the same clan feeling like the cow in the empty field, have you ever thought what must be going on in his mind??? il get back when I am done thinking … … … tell me if i am wrong, being a relative novice on ur blog, nonetheless u have one more here…..an all time fan!…way 2 go!..back to thinking … … …

  7. neha

    You evillll woman Mega! How could you do this to your Nega?
    What will Vish think of his Mummy? (Said with that strange Gult accent Mummy Tone)

    Will do the needful today. Ggrr. The things I do for Ati Uttam!

  8. Rajesh J Advani

    A dog, a deer, a bird. You know more? Teach me, pliss.

    I can do a sheep. And a bunny (no, not the Playboy kind). How do you do the dog and the deer?

    And what’s this? Talk of cows, and yet no link to Amit Varma? Okay, so he’s been tagged already, and chances are he won’t respond anyway. But it’s about a cow!

  9. anyesha

    Hey, we are very,very Bong and we read this blog…so why should Nandy get credit for being the only Bong reader?…not fair!!! Or was that a clever way of making us (the Bongs in the audience) stand up and declare our allegiance, love and adoration for this space.

  10. VC (or is it vc??)

    How could you even THINK about comparing your blog to a classic from that grait filmmaker, maah maen A.G. – with all his edge-of-the-seat thrilling twists. On second thoughts, never mind!

  11. reshma

    The elderly Mallu man is me. The empty field, this blog. And the sad, wandering pasu (animal) is this tag….BUT then who is rajamme :?

  12. Megha Post author

    [p g] Maybe you could do both?

    [Anantha] Uff. Sarcasm baba, sarcasm. He calls out for Raajamme, who promptly shows up. Therefore her name being Raajamme is the most unsurprising thing of all. Sigh. And to have to explain a funny is the most depressing thing of all. Double sigh.

    [Falstaff] Heh. We are relieved to note the absence of death threats. And even more thrilled to note that our intended wordplay with ‘earth-shattering’ and ‘saving the world’ was noticed. One has, in the past, beaten up cousins who have attempted to use our copy of the complete works for weight training. Yours however, seems a far more novel approach. Shall try.

    [gvenum] One can only hope that your words are true. Nopes, haven’t sent blog link yet. I figure, if he loves me enough, he can find me all on his own. We might be a stalker-type fan and all, but we still have some of that thing called self-respect, you know. So there.

    [Tag It Easy Policy] Ooooh nice! I particularly liked -

    I need ..
    .. to get an afterlife.

    I should try ..
    .. spkng wtht vwls.

    :)

    [twinkie] Yellow, blue, pink and other assorted colors :)

    [Raj] Arrey! I was specifically saying that if I did NOT tag you, you should feel at home in my commentspace. And given the tag, you should be relieved that you weren’t tagged. And of course we value the fawning fanhood. We just didn’t know that we had one. Now that we know, we are most happy :)

    [Anurag] Oh. Pasu is animal. The same thing as pashu in Hindi. There. Secret is now out in the open.

    [raj the 2nd] Oh I stand in an empty field, blinking confusedly at people who stare back at me, often enough. So I do know what goes on in the cow’s mind. However, what I would like to know is what Raajamme is thinking. Or the Mallu elder for that matter. Ah well.

    [neha] Arrey. This is all my lou for you, you know. And don’t make me say mummy in a Gult accent, or I’ll start dumping my best Vanisri or Jamuna imitation onto my readers before you know it. In a podcast, no less.

    [Rajesh] Aha, bunny, yes. I can do that too! Dog and deer are easy. Group your middle and ring fingers with you thumb and make the snout/face. Stick index finger and pinky straight up for the ears. That should give you deer. Some minor variations (moving thumb inwards to touch center of middle and ring fingers and drooping fore finger and pinky) should give you dog. But sheep? How does one do sheep?

    Have already informed Amit of the existence of a cow in my part of the world. But busy man that he is, he hasn’t noticed it yet :(

    [anyesha] Heh, yesh, we are ashamed to admit that it was just a cheap stunt (or a devious plan, depending on how you look at it) designed to get you to announce your existence. And while we are most pleased that it worked, we shall hang our head in shame for pulling such a stunt and go listen to some Bong Bappi as penance for our actions. But thankoo. For the love, adoration and allegiance. Most happy :)

    [Teleute] Ayyo yesh, we know! As we just guiltily admitted, it was just a stunt. Please to continue to love us like you do? Pretty please?

    [VC] Ayoo! We are not comparing our blog to an AG classic. We are comparing our blog to an empty field in an AG classic. One lousy empty field with dried up grass. With a sad cow grazing on it going munch-munch. Crying ambaaaaa. And blinking. And eating more grass. Surely you can give us that much?

    [reshma] I, the Mallu elder, am pointing out the cow (the tag) on an empty field (the blog) to you all. That makes you, the reader, the coconut-oil covered and cotton saree clad Raajamme. Heh :)

  13. Anantha

    Sometime anger clouds the brain. In this case, we are red hot angry that you called us “pseud” when all that we do is to protect the well being of mankind for eons to come. And besides we are not asking people to call us by our given name. Not even our full name, because we know that people are bound to gasp for breath by the end of the experience and keel over, if their heart is not as healthy as it should be. And we get panned for that? What a injustice!

  14. Crimemaster Gogo

    ‘nantha, it should be ‘aeons’ not ‘eons’. Surely thou dost knowst that?
    Pseud is as pseud does.
    So the question is: Bhy did the mallu cross the road?

  15. Megha Post author

    [Anantha] Uh oh. We angered you, aa? So sorry. We were just shooting for annoyance. As for pseud, let me clarify. You calling yourself Anantha is not pseud (and to your credit, you do call yourself that on this blog). It is the whole ‘squiggle aka blogger formerly known as aNTi’ business that we are take shots at. Now what mankind might you be protecting with that?

    [Crimemaster Gogo] To go with the age old answer: zimblee?

  16. Jasmine

    Ahem. I shall de-lurk for a while in order to clear something up. ‘Pasu’ in Mallu is just a cow, not the entire animal kingdom.

    [Goes back to lurking]

  17. Sriram

    Started with a cow and I end up with an “ow” after reading “anantha” (yep, out aNTi) being called out for his “blogger formerly known as aNTi” routine :D.

    oh well, time for some work. will be back with more nonsense later and I’m G.L.A.D i wasnt vicitmized err.. tagged. :D

  18. reshma

    ohhhh…now i get it…raajamme….the one who suddenly appears on this field…though could you not have made raajamme less maami like….perhaps…chiffon sari and little less oil…

  19. Rajesh J Advani

    [Megha] Oh, sheep’s easy. Back of your hand (or palm) facing the shadow. All fingers straight and joined, with thumb sticking out at right angles. Part middle finger and ring finger, and join again. Repeat.

    That makes you, the reader, the coconut-oil covered and cotton saree clad Raajamme

    But I don’t know how to wear a Saree.

  20. Ravages

    Meanwhile, what’s all this talk of a non-existent fawning fanhood. We here (and by we, I mean me, and me, and me and me and me and you know…) are your fawning fanhood

  21. Pingback: Death to Tags at Within / Without

  22. generalspecific

    i here(and by i,i mean i and you know…) are also your fawning fanhood. crazed mass but worshipping and all only after the demand of more frequent posts are met :P

  23. PrivateProsecutor

    An elderly man, sitting on the verandah of his house, looks stoically at an empty field. Not a soul is in sight.

    Objection your honor!!! The elderly man is not looking stoically. He is reading a news paper And no. It is not an empty field. It’s his own courtyard. This is a gross distortion of facts. The scene from Elippathayam has been butchered mercilessly.

    Overruled.The nice old lady over there has , among other stuff, an artistic license up her sleeve.

  24. Ekta

    Hey megha,
    Coincidently I also finished a post on the same tag!!….
    Interesting list!–As usual enjoyed reading the post!

  25. Megha Post author

    [Jasmine] Ooh! Thankoo thankoo. I had mistakenly assumed the pashu-pakshi angle to be true in all languages. I stand corrected. And a bunch of animals can now be seen walking away from Mallu-land feeling mighty left out. Oh and pliss to delurk more often!

    [aniyan] Now now. Let’s give him more credit than that, shall we?

    [Sriram] Shh, not so loudly. aNTi is still angry with me, I think :) And pliss to elaborate – G.L.A.D?

    [reshma] Hmm, a more fashionable Raajamme, hm? Next you’ll change her name to Blossom Babykutty or something and soon enough, Adoor Gopalakrishnan will have kicked her out of his movie. Eventually we’ll end up with a desolate field, a hungry cow and a forlorn Mallu elder, but nobody to point it all out to. That’s not a good thing now, is it?

    [Rajesh] Er, that sounds more like the ‘live long and prosper’ Vulcan hand gesture rather than a sheep, but I’ll take your word for it! And you don’t know how to wear a saree? YOU? Weren’t you the very first supporter of cross-dressing on this blog? Tiffin-dabba carrying Raju who puts on sequinned outfits and candy-red nails? Remember remember?

    [Ravages]

    You are all very nice folk.
    Cos, even if it causes a stroke,
    Or sometimes goes up in smoke,
    You laugh at my every sad joke.

    But thankoo for the reassurance :)

    [Rimi] Hee hee :) Yesh, one has to resort to devious methods to make some people come out of hiding, what to do! Underhand tactics they are though, I know. *hangs head in shame*

    [generalspecific] Aha! So I have part of it achieved already! Thankoo thankoo. But pray tell, when was such a demand made? Not that we are planning to comply or anything, but still, just curiously asking? :)

    [kallu mama] *in her best simpering T P Jain accent* heh heh .. aap to humein sharminda kar rahein hain, Kallu-ji ..

    [PrivateProsecutor] Ayyo sorry, milord. Admittedly it was a long time ago and my memory isn’t what it used to be. But he does look up from the newspaper from time to time, no? And doesn’t he look particular stoic while he gazes at the cow? Doesn’t he, doesn’t he?

    But I must admit, major kicks that someone actually recognized the movie to be Elippathayam (1981), that too from my appalling description of the scene. I thought I was the only one who’d ever remember details like that. Much happiness :)

  26. Megha Post author

    [Ekta] Ah how neat! I think the tag reached both of us through some of the same people :)

    [Anon] And that is precisely why, I am guessing, aNTi became Anantha – to avoid the aunty-dom.

    [Smiley] Yeah, she’s rather special :)

  27. angelo

    I should try ..
    .. flirting with my trolls. Maybe it’ll make them go away?

    …. i wanna’ see that happen! I really do… I’ve a list of trolls that occasionally spam my blogs.. may I please invite them here so we can try out your experiement?

  28. Crimemaster Gogo

    @Los angelo: Your blog invokes a popup for some casino shite. That comes across as weird to me.

    @Cloud. I just noticed all those small symbols/pictures all over your posts classifying them. You must be spending ten thousand parsecs on this blog. Amazing commitment. Impressive. I shall emulate the same in my nefarious activities. A small token percentage of the loot can be sent your way as royalties if desired.

  29. Megha Post author

    [angelo] Er .. you think I don’t deal with enough of my own, that you want to send yours over to mine? Bah! Go flirt with your trolls while I flirt with mine. We’ll regroup and compare notes later :)

    [Crimemaster Gogo] Yes, we want cut. And those icons .. those were just a bored afternoon’s handiwork. But I must admit, I’m rather fond of them. How goes the life of crime, vaise? Found any new recruits?

  30. Sriram

    Oh, the G.L.A.D was an upper case emphasis on how happy i was not to be burdened wth tag, since i would have had to pass on some bad voodoo if it had happened. :)

  31. Crimemaster Gogo

    @Cloud
    No recruits yet. I am now thinking of looking for Female PhDs in Astrophysics as likely candidates. Think time machine and eye-candy. Perfect for the perfect crime.
    A parsec is a unit of distance not time. Since you didnt catch that goofup you are summarily disqualified from being my sidekick. Unless of course you are hot i.e eye-candy material. Then we can discuss your candidature further over wine, dinner and a string quartet in the background.

  32. generalspecific

    :) the demand was made while the comment was posted. anyway no heartbreaks that it won’t be met. you see,the other part was achieved already. more than willing to worship you either way!

  33. Anantha

    [Sriram] We are angry at none. For that matter, we never get angry. We smile a lot, in fact so much that small kids are terrified (we seem to resemble Bozo the clown sometimes). Baah, these generalizations! And for a minute I thought G.L.A.D was something like The SPecial Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion (S.P.E.C.T.R.E.)

    [Meghae] Annoyance? Pfft! Nothing annoys us either. Oh wait, yes. no. wait. yes. These days Aishwarya Rai annoys us to great lengths. Slow moving SUVs annoy too, especially ones that suddenly move into my path when I am closely tailing that hot chick in an SL65 AMG going at 95mph on the New Jersey Turnpike. Compared to all that you are Pfft only! Btw, we never used that”squiggle” anywhere. That was your own mental imagination when we spoke about the change of pseudonyms. We are not responsible.
    Oh, before I forget, one more question. Are you hot?

    [GoGoJi] As Answers.com mentions,

    e·on also ae·on (Ä“’ŏn’, Ä“’É™n)

    Btw, GoGoJi, GogoJi… aapka ghaagra!

  34. Megha Post author

    [Sriram] I agree with aNTi. (Never thought I’d say aNTi and agree in the same sentence!) It sounds more like an acronym than emphasis! But, in any case, am glad you are G.L.A.D :)

    [Gogo] You will see that I’ve dropped the ‘Crimemaster’ bit from your name, seeing as you aren’t being much of a master of crime these days. And pray tell, is there past empirical evidence to suggest that Ph.D Astrophysics students are hot? (Apologies to my female Astrophysics doctoral student readers, if any.) Astrophysics as opposed to say French Literature or Ornithology, I mean? And tell us, do you wine, dine and string-quartet-ofy all your recruits’ mothers? As for our being eye-candy – I am an M&M. I am candy. I candy.

    [angelo] Shhh. It wouldn’t be much of a secret if I went and publicly announced it on my blog, no? In any case, it is something I am only contemplating doing. Not sure yet if it will produce desired results, so cannot say much about the success part.

    [generalspecific] Oooh! Not just worshipping, but unconditional worshipping? This is too much only! Thankoo thankoo! I am one temple-somewhere-in-South-India away from becoming Khushboo, I tell you :)

    [Anantha] Oh we didn’t annoy you? Okie, we shall try harder. Of course, we will not be like Aishwarya (we would rather die before that), but we are hoping to find other ways. Incidentally, a few weeks ago, we made a list of things that annoy us and Ash is, unsurprisingly, on the list. That reminds us, we should put it up on our blog. And am I hot? – No no, I am cool.

  35. Richa

    You had a chance to marry AB! I never read about that episode or did I miss something? What about your “everlasting love” for Chiru? How can you do this to him? This needs a lot of explanation, young lady! Better get started.

  36. Fishy Troller

    You are n m n m ?

    Sighhhh.

    Your lurrve for Nega makes you stutter …

    BTW : Have you considered that in Tam accent, asking her to make a cuppa is like a minus ?

    Nega ti ve!

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