Bah

To the dear readers of this blog who wish that I did not exist —

  • I know how much you like to use the commentspace of my blog as your personal stage to demonstrate how very full of crap you are. But let me break your heart and tell you about that clever little thing called comment moderation. It exists in the general blogosphere, and it certainly exists on this blog. So you can leave me comments about what you think about my various body-parts and what you believe is a better function for them, but those comments won’t see the light of day. So boo hoo for you.
  • If you have to ask a girl in the commentspace of her blog, about the color of her lingerie and whether she will have sex with you, there is a 137% chance that you will be be spending the rest of your life alone. Then again, you manage to question Darwinism with your existence, so it is only understandable that you try to shake the foundations of probability while you’re at it.
  • When you want to tell me how pathetic you think I am, please get your basic grammar and spelling right. The purpose of insulting someone, is to insult them, not amuse them. If I am pointing at the screen, holding my tummy, and cackling, it would be reasonably fair to say that the purpose of your insult is lost. A recent example — Have anyonee ever told you that you sucks? Rod Stewart should perhaps compose a song about that.
  • Seeing as it is so easy to click away from a website that you don’t like, there are only two theories as to why people take the time to visit someone’s blog over and over, just to tell them how much they hate them — a) They were not spanked enough as a child b) They were spanked plenty as a child and have grown to crave it in their adulthood as well. Ooh, such a tough choice that.

60 thoughts on “Bah

  1. viktor

    I’m mad. Hopping mad at cretins who cannot control their bowels and poop all over the place. up in belarus, we have a nice way of dealing with this lot. we make them eat their own gonads. the shot-gun’s loaded. Say the word. I havent been out hunting in a while.

  2. witnwisdumb

    I deeply sympathise with you (I can’t say empathise, since I’ve never had many annoying comments on my blog. Well actually, I’ve never had many comments on my blog, annoying or otherwise :P). But well, ’tis the price of fame.

    PS: I yaaw werry good deel far yew. Yew yexchange yewer paapyularity – wonnly tonty fi parcent, I say! – yand I vill take cyaar aaf aal yewer stuppid caaments. Good no? See, yew getting so much faar so littal, I say!

  3. Fleiger

    Just one thing, won’t the question of Darwinism come in next generation (if any)? And given the 137% chance of his being alone, there is 137% chance that Darwinism still applies. Right?

    I am soooo pedantic.. :D

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  5. Sriram

    *sigh*.. all this happens when I decide not to swear. What is this world coming to? And Meghs, not to worry, trolls are everywhere and a simple IP ban can take care of them. (not to mention leaving them frustrated in an already frustrated and futile existence.)

  6. Falstaff

    On the other hand, if someone can’t spell, maybe it’s better that they’re being insulting. Imagine how depressing it would be if all these people who can’t spell left you comments saying how wonderful a writer they think you are. Imagine how worrying it would be if the people with no social life and no prospect of ever getting one left you comments saying how much they relate to you and how strongly they feel that you’re one of them. Never kick a gift horse in its nether parts.

  7. Rohini

    I think these idiotic people are simply starved for attention and making controversial and nasty statements on a popular blog is a sure-fire way for them to get the attention that they crave. The fact that it is highly negative attention is outweighed by the fact that they are getting noticed.

  8. raj da 2nd

    psst psst…may b they are just jealous that they cant be a soul like u….cant blame the lesser mortals..;) either way..that had to come some day…m glad it did..straight at their faces…if u xpect them to digest this into their brains..m sorry to say, not a BIT (neither 0 nor 1) will go in..God simply forgot to put in this part of the code in their DNA …LOL..good attempt though!! :)

  9. iyer education

    bashing time… tod mod ke phod… or was it tol mol ke bol… but this one sounds very apt for the occasion…

    and plijj send all lingerie color wanting people to my blog… i have promised to drape a wet saree myself and post it as a pic for publicity…

  10. Zafar

    hey!
    We’re looking at some creative blogger’s to be Founder Members for an Online Youth Portal that we’re lauching!
    Would love to have you on board if this interests you!
    Do get in touch with me on my email (zafar06@gmail)

    Thnx!
    Zaf

  11. Amol

    Dear Meghaji,
    You should not worry about such ullu-ke-patthe. Anyone who spells as badly as that is about a million light years from ever understanding your blog. it might be just their frustration talking. As for the rest of us, do take pity on us and start your regular posts soon. Or may be they are jealous ’cause they can’t write as imaginitively as you do. Now I could go on and on and on but only if a new post is in the offing.:D
    P.S. what do you mean I mutilated Shakespeare? it was just a modernist free expression of my understanding of Shakeapeare.

  12. Rohit

    >>If you have to ask a girl in the commentspace of her blog, about the color of her lingerie and whether she will have sex with you, there is a 137% chance that you will be be spending the rest of your life alone.

    CLASSIC! So true, so true..

  13. neha

    Megha – Think we should sing together (like we do on Gtalk) and scare them away? I know my neighbour stopped breathing for a full 60 seconds as your voice and mine boomed.

  14. anantha

    Negha & Megha: So you ladies sing on GTalk? If ever you need another donkey to complete the trio (for variety, you see), you know who to call. Call me and we shall scare the beejeezus out of people in three different parts of the world!

  15. anantha

    Megha: Btw, good work. If only they could read! And oh, if one or more of these trolls are female, we shall be glad to take them over. Surely playing with female trolls ought to be fun.

  16. Sriram

    Anantha,
    “Surely playing with female trolls ought to be fun.” – How DARE you? Don’t you know the female trolls on this blog are off-limits for everyone except me? :D..

    well, atleast I tried to stake my territory, but you can have them if you want.

  17. scorpigle

    Well said.. but just reminds me how a street fight turns into an amusing entertainment for others :)

  18. anantha

    Sriram: Dude, what are female trolls?

    [Pathetic translation of lines from iconic Tam movie, modified to suit situation follows]
    I mean, are they Haldirams son-paapdi type sweets that people can “have”?
    Machi, hear this…

    [ Public service statement for the kind attention of all the female trolls who frequent this blog follows ]
    Trolls are people too, at least the female trolls are.

  19. Twisted DNA

    About being asked about the color of undergarments. I heard it from a couple of popular bloggers. I guess it’s a sign of popularity. I am waiting for the day people ask for the color of my undergarments on my blog comments :|

  20. Adnan

    Kudos! You have touched the chord with many bloggers who face the same problem. Either obscene or hate-filled comments that are simply works of frustrated minds and meant to irritate. Great post.

  21. gvenum

    @Anantha

    Negha & Megha: So you ladies sing on GTalk? If ever you need another donkey to complete the trio (for variety, you see),

    Ooeymaa! are you calling Neha and Megha donkies. If that’s not enough, you say they dont have any variety either ! This doesnot sound like the soft core (of a violent volcano wala) you like to potray. Bad Anantha!

  22. Sriram

    “Trolls are people too, at least the female trolls are.”

    Totally!! Very true. Now stay off my territory. ;)

    *goes searching for a female troll*

  23. Vivek

    Megha – I have been a lurker on your blog and have always enjoyed the light hearted stories of victor and company for a long time but this post of yours surely has changed my preception about you – not that you care but I wanted you to know that since you have actually made me come out of the lurker mode which is a big deal for me.

    By responding to the lingerie loving, sex craving and spelling challenged brethren with whom we cohabit the planet, you have actually acknowledged their existence and may be in a perverted way, actually started being affected by them? Why did you have to do that?

    I get regular comments about ideas on how to grow body parts longer using special medication that I refuse to both comment on them on my blog and stick to what I believe I am good at doing – talking about technology.

    Lately your frequency of posts have dropped – is it because of the time you have been spending reading comment spam or is it really about running out of the good and friendly banter which we all like to hear from you.

    Keep posting the good stuff and please dont bother with people whom you DONT CARE in the first place by acknowledging them in a complete post! get your priorities right.

  24. amol(ripwanwinkle)

    WOW!
    I had no idea there are female trolls who ask you the colour of your undergarments: I have been asleep for too long.
    megha, is there a way to send those female trolls to my blog? it’s better than having one visitor a month. So far I have had only one woman complimenting my blog.
    She didn’t even mention me, just kept talking about a female collegue of hers….The nerve of her.
    God, when will the day Come?
    Sighs!
    :D

  25. Kranthi

    “and plijj send all lingerie color wanting people to my blog… i have promised to drape a wet saree myself and post it as a pic for publicity… ”

    LOLL!

  26. Amol

    Hey Kranthi, that’s a great idea. i would do that too; but I am not sure there is a market for a 200 pound saree-draping male gorilla.

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  28. Bhanu

    Dear Megha,

    Very sad that people have nothing else to do other than do this.

    Vivek…I understand your comment but I think in this case Megha actually received those comments on this website…addressed to her and it is not a spam like thing that we ignore. It was good that these comments did not see the light of the day. It was information for me to know that such commenters exist and do leave such comments.

    Regards,
    Bhanu

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  30. iangela

    i’d go with option c) not spanked enough as a child but have grown to crave it in my adulthood. :P …. …but then again.. i’m coming to this blog after a looong time and so happy to leave my comment luv here….so glad to see you at BlogCamp Megha!

    …as for color of lingerie and the like…there’s this great place in New Jersey that does color customization based on what one’s taste buds are like…

  31. Megha Post author

    Hah, bet you thought I was never gonna reply. But you don’t get away so easily. So there. And all parties interested in making frensip with female trolls can please contact Anantha or Sriram for further details. Um, wait. That doesn’t sound right. Ah well. You know what I mean.

    [qs.gemini] Thanks Gem!

    [viktor] Uh oh, hun! .. *scrambles to find a tin of sardines to distract him with*

    [witnwisdumb] You sympathize, you say? Then why is it that I hear you snigger in the background?

    [Fleiger] Okie, since you insist on being so pedantic :) – Natural selection would dictate that the more favorable and heritable traits would get passed on to an individual. Given the fine specimen of humanity we are dealing with, this feels like an attempt to question Darwinism, yes? And now this is obviously reminding me of the Darwin Awards, where the winners are supposed to come from the ‘shallow end of the gene pool’. Hmm, nominees perhaps?

    [Sriram] IP bans are nice in theory, but when people show up from generic ‘VSNL, India’ type IPs, banning them will ban more people than intended. That’s why I prefer comment moderation. At least that way, I can let the decent comments go through. In any case, why would I ban the trolls, when I can feed them to you instead?

    [Falstaff] Heh. See, I knew I could always count on you to give me a better perspective on things. Indeed, that is an excellent point. Better a loser enemy than a loser friend. Now let me try reviving that horse.

    [Pallavi] Thanks Pallavi. And welcome to the blog :)

    [Anurag] No no. Just a rant at the idiots who pepper my commentspace with their stupidity. You are likely to have never seen those comments though.

    [Rohini] You are so right. They figure that negative attention is better than no attention. And one could say that by writing a post about them I’ve given them exactly what they want. But one does need to rant once in a while. Is so very cathartic. On an unrelated note – Have been bumping into your blog frequently, but have never left a comment so far. Is nice to have you stop by here :)

    [raj da 2nd] Jealous, it seems. Yeah, sure sure. And nah, I don’t expect this to change them and make them better human beings or anything noble like that. I just needed to rant, so I did :)

    [Rumpy] Shudder. Ooh. Aah. Ouch. The world and me are a-waiting with bated and baited breath. PLISS to post photo soon. Pliss pliss?

    [Zafar] Thanks. Will get in touch if I’m interested!

    [Nilu] M-hm.

    [Amol] Arrey? How did this post become irregular? Why this step-sisterly treatment towards my rants? Everything I write here is part of regular programming. Silliness, rants, getting senti .. everything.

    [Rohit] :)

    [Gauravonomics] Thanks :)

    [AQC] No? You’d prefer a poisoned dart perhaps?

    [neha] Heh, now THAT is a thought :) That reminds me – do you still have that recording of chihuahua chihuahua?

    [anantha] Yes, of course we sing on Gtalk! How do you think the idea for the Nega-Mega show came about in the first place? Although calling it singing might be a bit of a stretch. For instance, the chihuahua song I asked Neha about is set to the tune of Asha Bhosle’s sharara sharara except the voices are that of two yelping puppies. Much fun, it is! And though I cannot vouch for the gender or sexual orientation of my trolls, as Amitabh assures mausi in Sholay – khaandaan ka pataa chalte hi bataa doonga.

    [Lak] Goodie!

    [scorpigle] Yes, indeed :)

    [Twisted DNA] Ah? A lot of bloggers get asked the color of their undergarments, you say? So I cannot even feel unique and special about it anymore? Tchah.

    [Adnan] Thank you. Glad you could relate!

    [gvenum] You know, you make a good point. Yes, [Anantha] what is this? Explain yourself, eng man!

    [ImModerate] I try I try :)

    [Naam Kya hai ...pyaar ka maara...et.al.] It really was begging to be written. And what to do? I am too nice to refuse :)

    [Swapna] Thank you!

    [Vivek] Glad you decided to delurk and comment, even if it’s because of a post you did not like. Started to write a response to you, but it’s long enough to be a post in itself. So, coming soon!

    [Kranthi] Thankoo! :)

    [Amol] Waito waito. One step at a time please. Find a female troll. Then we’ll get to the rest. And er, before you get any wild ideas, Kranthi is not the one offering to drape a wet saree, Rumpy aka Iyer Education is.

    [Debashish] Thanks! You know, I’ve been told that once before too! Guess anyone named Melodrama has to be my soul-sister, in some way :)

    [tgfi] Howdy and thankoo! As for IP blocking, it is doable on your own domain, but am not sure if it is doable on blogspot and other free blog hosting services. Anyone have ideas?

    [srekrishnanv] Thanks :)

    [Bhanu] Sad indeed. But fun too :) And thank you for attempting to clarify things.

  32. Fleiger

    Oh, my thinking was in terms of mutation. I mean, if we believe normal distribution of traits in any generation, for every inheritable, good trait, there must be one trait where nature comes back and says, “Oops, we botched it. Let’s cut it out next time” right?

    To put it in persp, for every Prof. Xavier, there has to be a Magneto, right? (I am going to fail my bio class this sem with these kind of theories)

    And btw, seems there will be a very high competition for any female troll out there. Seems female trolls have a lot of chance for survival…

  33. Megha Post author

    [iangela] Tch tch, lets not give the trolls ideas now, shall we? Was good to run into you too, at least in the virtual way that we did! Then again this is the blogosphere we’re talking about, so virtual is as real as it gets, I guess. See you around here more often :)

    [Fleiger] Uh oh. The pedantic professor gets worse if you encourage him, it seems! And higher chance of survival? Au contraire, I thought female trolls were extinct?

  34. Fleiger

    Haha… So I can be pedantic. But I cannot continue this erudite stuff (nice word) any more, I am running out of places where people can tolerate me laughing madly while typing on my laptop. (Prof will be back after some time to make other people less suspicious about his neurological abberations) Just one thought I forgot to mention in last post… for every X-Man, there must be a C-Man ;)

    Don’t say that about female trolls though, you will break hearts of all the people (with their *ahem*) who are waiting for a FT to stroll by their blog…

  35. Someone who loves dogs

    It’s shocking that some folks take the time to leave undesired responses on your blog and make asshats out of themselves. A rather fitting reply, I should say. I assume that identifying spam words and blocking IPs didn’t solve the problem and that’s the motivation behind your post. But this is sad, I’ll have my fingers crossed for ya :).

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