What? Don’t look at me like that with those accusatory, how-could-you-let-us-down eyes! It’s all your fault! Yes, you, you and especially you, hiding in the corner! You had a hundred new Gmail account invites available. Not one, not two. A hundred! But did you use them? Noooo. Who were you saving them for? Your grandmother? Even her dog has a Gmail account now. email@example.com. So there.
You could have hired some heavies to beat up innocent voters, no? No. Too much hard work, it seems. Did you at least try to surreptitiously hack into the poll and delete votes to tilt the result in my favor? Of course not. You had to go develop ethics and and a sense of propriety and wotnot. You big saint-with-halo-around-head, you. So then? I didn’t win. Are you proud of yourself now? Are ya? Are ya?
I had a good mind to classify you all into three flattering groups —
- Lazy bums. Cannot bring themselves to vote.
- Traitors. You know who you are and I don’t want to know who you are.
- Clueless. Cannot retrieve poll link from their spam folder in Gmail.
But my faith in you may be stirred, but is not shaken. You see, I came in second and third! Which, as any patriotic Indian watching the Olympics will tell you, counts. By golly, it does. My optimism (and not my denial, I’ll have you know) tells me, that the votes probably got split because people were overwhelmed by the blinding brilliance of the two designs but couldn’t pick both.
Plus, as I always say — true genius is often underappreciated, so my not being valued is simply an indication of my profound genius. And thus with a heavy heart I humbly accept the burden. Now I just need to find some bubbly to drown myself in.
Regular programming returns soon. Oh shuttup. Don’t snigger.