Monthly Archives: October 2007

Gone baby gone

Every once in a while I like to remind my readers about my Gult conscience. First there was the childhood memory of Sobhan Babu. Then it was my conjecturing about why Gult porn doesn’t exist. But today, we come back to my first love — Chiru.

So the news around town, in an ironic instance of life imitating art, is that Chiru’s nineteen-year old daughter eloped and got married to her boyfriend of four years. Now, please note. Nineteen. Four years. Sigh. I feel like a grandmother. So anyhoo, this news should be of no consequence to anyone except the elopees and their distraught maa-baaps. But this is Chiru. In Andhra. So let us take a deep breath, let out an even deeper sigh, stick on a big honking red nose and jump right into the media circus that has ensued.

So the plan, apparently, went something like this (Do not try this at home without parental supervision) —

  • Tell folks at home that one is visiting some aunt/grandma types.
  • Meet up boyfriend at friendly neighborhood Arya Samaj mandir.
  • Marry. Take pheraas at breakneck speed like tail was on fire.
  • Take stock photos and videos with standard-issue pimply engineering college buddies in background.
  • Give TV interview telling the parents to shove it.

Simple really. And now Chiru fans around the world are irate at the girl and her naya-navela dulha for besmirching (I love that word) the fair name of their beloved star. Never mind that this is a family matter. The whole world and their neighbor has jumped in anyway and chosen to be angry about it. The boy’s Orkut profile has scraps threatening him and his friends (in exhaustingly bad language), his parents have gone into hiding and the girl has requested police protection for her hubby. Exciting stuff indeed.

Now, admittedly Chiru is a bit of a God for his fans. But the whole ‘how can you do this to your own parents?’ seems rich, no? It could just as easily apply the other way around. Is it really that ridiculous for a kid to revolt against her dad, especially if he had her pulled out of college and placed under house arrest? All this cos the guy was of a different caste? The only part of this whole thing that bothers me is her age. Nineteen (while legal) is admittedly a bit wet behind the ears. But that one issue apart, I don’t get what the big hoo-haa is.

The official comment from the family is that the Megastar is too distraught to comment. But they add that he has brought his dotty up with utmost freedom (must have been before the house arrest?) and some bad boy has led her astray. Total WTF stuff wonly.

Of course, what is truly ridiculous, is the haircut she’s sporting at her own wedding. But nobody wants to talk about that. Tsk.

ps .. Happy Durgashtami to all! (Happy Megha’s tummy to all too. But you don’t really care, do you now?)

Bug

Bee

PJ from four years ago —

Q: What does a Bay Area software developer say when he fixes a bug?
A: Hasta la vista, bay bee!

Revised PJ from this morning —

Q: What does a Bay Area Microsoft developer say when he fixes a bug?
A: Hasta la Vista, bay bee!

Don’t you just love self-upgrading PJs? Hee haw! Total CT only. Cheap thrills, that is.

The me is back!

We’re back! Erm. Eeeps. Sorry. No really. We are not going to make any excuses this time. (Mostly cos we have none.) Instead we’ll just start talking furiously, distract you with words and hope that you will not notice that we were gone. So yes, we came back from our trip (it wasn’t THAT long to begin with, you know) and a few weeks after that, came down with a mysterious tummy-ache. We say mysterious cos three doctors of different shapes, sizes and specializations couldn’t figure out what was wrong with us over three different days. (Not one doctor per day, mind you.) Led to conversations like —

Doc: <poke in side of tummy, lets call it spot A> Does it hurt?
Me: Ow. Yes.
Doc: <poke in a spot two inches away from first spot, call it B> Does it hurt here?
Me: Ow. Yes.
Doc: <poke in spot A and spot B in quick succession> Which of the two hurts more?
Me: @#$^&!!
Doc: Okay, so it hurts equally, I guess?

Anyhoo, tests had to be done and unpleasant body fluids had to be collected —

Doc: I will need a urine sample.
Me: I’m sorry, I don’t pee on demand. I have already stripped on demand, but pee on demand, that is something I cannot manage. I have morals and all that.
<backup doc giggling in background>
Doc: Er, okay. I’ll just leave this cup here then.

<exit main doc>

Backup doc: <more giggles> That was funny! You should come here more often!
Me: Er, no?
She: No?
Me: This is a hospital?
She: Oh. Right.

Tsk. After all that, we were sent home with antibiotics for a sinus infection. Huh. All in our head. Literally.

And oh yes, the trip was incredible and we have a lot to say and show for it. We must thank you all for not giving up on us while we were languishing in pain. We weren’t in pain as much as discomfort, but if pain is what will stop you from being hard on us, pain it shall be. Your pokes (unlike the doctor’s), prods, reminders, cajoling, taunts and polite enquiries are all very appreciated.

Particular credit must be given to our judwa-behen (who we affectionately call JB. No we are not very creative when we are affectionate, I suppose) who provided us with sympathetic pat-pats while we whined. And the Dog for that reprimand we got in our commentspace. As our maatashri always says, sticks and stones have never broken our bones but a ‘What have you got to say for yourself, young lady!’ in a stern voice, always gets results. And to the Lou-puddle who was convinced that we never went to Europe, and that we made it up just to avoid posting. Such unshakeable faith, I tell ya. And the self-confessed crotchety geriatric who optimistically asked us if we died or something. Warmed the cockles of our heart, it did. With love like this, we’d even come back from the dead, all Om Shanti Om types. Ah yes, that is what we are going to write about next.

Did we mention it is good to be back?