.. eeps .. err .. Hello! And Happy Birthday, Bloggy!

Yes yes, it is me. Today is the day this blog (well an almost-dead blog is still a blog, pliss) turns four and since one has never missed a birthday post before, one didn’t want to mess with tradition and all. (Mess with the habit of writing posts to keep the blog alive, sure, gladly so. But mess with tradition? Noooo! Never!)

Yes, I am guilty of all the terrible things you are about to accuse me of and fully deserve every squishy tomato and rotten egg that comes my way. But for now, I just want to say a big heartfelt THANK YOU to all of you who continue to stop by and check in on this blog despite its three-month silence. If you’re still wondering, yes, this blog is alive. (As is the blogger, thankooverrymuj). And the festivities too, shall return. Soon.

Now, eat some cake, give yourself a sugar-high and let us all resume the nonsense! Yay!

Hawww! Hee haw! Haw hee haw! Hee haw hee haw! Haw-hee-haw-hee-haw!

Wheeee! The laal-mojaas have brought another one home!

*dhinkichiki dhinkichiki dhin dhin dhin dhinchiki* Total CGCB also!

*tiptoes into room hoping nobody notices her return only to be greeted by a bunch of angry stares*

Um .. er .. hello. Didn’t see you there. *gulp* Well, we have been a little busy. Yes, fruitful paychecks and such. Sinful stomach asks questions, as you know. What’s that? The blog? No no, it didn’t die. We thought it wrote itself. Clearly we were mistaken. But that would be a pretty neat thing, no? A self-writing blog. No? You don’t find that clever? Fine. Poop on all our ideas.

So in exciting news from the countryside, we will be doing a bit of traveling at the end of August. Where to, you ask? Paris! Yes, Paris, France. La ville lumiére, city of lights and all that exciting hoo-haa. As you can imagine, we are fluttering around like an annoyingly chirpy ballerina whose tutu you want to set on fire. And of course, we are furiously practicing to say oui oui in a way that would make Rajendranath proud, telling everyone the PJ about the Pakistani hooker in Paris called Lahore, practicing to smile like the Mona Lisa and generally figuring out how to stuff an entire city into three days. It seems impossible, but if we manage to do it, we’ll be sure to come back and tell you how. With pictures to boot.

And if that were not enough we are also going to Belgium! Antwerp and Brussels. Hee haw. Yes yes, we will wait while you are done turning an appropriate shade of green. Finished? Good. Now, the only things we associated with Belgium until a month ago were 1) Tintin 2) Hercule Poirot 3) chocolates 4) waffles and 5) diamonds. And while the last few weeks have taught us that there’s more to the country than sharp men with a penchant for cracking mysteries, our desire for items four and more so five, remains. In fact, it seems our folks brought us up on a steady diet of kitschy Hindi movies for this day only. So we have decided to buy ourselves that ugly wide leather belt with a secret zippered pouch and by golly we are going to smuggle them diamonds back in it. So what if we have to wear a golden wig and red-tinted sunglasses and speak like Ajit? Of course, there is the minor detail of how we will come into possession of the said rocks, so if there’s a good heist movie you know, now would be a very good time to make recommendations.

Oh and we forgot to tell — we had a delightful little chat with an entertainingly rude Delta Air Lines customer service representative. After a frustrating half hour of explaining to her that it was the airline’s fault for screwing up the ticket and we shouldn’t be charged the penalty, she chimed back with a — Even if it is Delta’s fault, that is a mute point! We politely told her that if we muted the phone while she was trying to make a point, *that* would be a mute point. In fact, we’d be happy to demonstrate what we mean. Strangely, she didn’t seem to like that. Heh.

Be back with lots of pictures, stories and fun things to tell you. Keep the blog alive until then, will ya?

We interrupt our usual profundity to bring you two important public service announcements —

• Fellow blogger and ridiculously talented photographer Akshay Mahajan and a couple of his friends, are doing this awesomely cool thing called the Rickshaw Run. They have volunteered themselves for a race that takes them driving 3750km across India, in the monsoons, in an auto-rickshaw. Wait. Pause for a second, chew, swallow and digest that completely. Monsoons in India. 3750km. Auto-rickshaw. Oh and it is through the Himalayas. Yes indeed. They have completely lost it. (No, not the auto-rickshaw.)

  This crazy run is meant to raise funds for charity and they need your support to make it happen. Head over to Akshay’s site to read all about it, find the Paypal icon and donate generously, and then spread the word and get others to do the same. Contributors will naturally get some inherent good karma that comes with such things, but also get a print copy of one of Akshay’s pictures, which in some circles is worth more than all this karma-warma business. So go do the needful.

• Fellow blogger and ridiculously jobless grad student Kaushik Gopalan has announced the unimaginatively titled Lamest ever Orkut challenge. Unsurprisingly enough, this is a contest to find the lamest, most hilarous and yet effective will you make friendship with me line. The prize is a neat little blogging T-shirt, so there’s good incentive to use your Orkut skills and help build the mother of all ships.

The first will likely ensure that you run into fewer auto-rickshaw drivers in your life who ask for return sawaari. The second will provide romantic hope for lame desi grad students everywhere, which as you know is a noble and mostly impossible task. So go be part of both and earn some cosmic brownie points.

In light of the Greatbong’s unprecedented landslide victory in the Indibloggies, the powers that be felt that winning an award (well actually, two) wasn’t enough of an ego trip. So they decided that one should do an interview with him as well. Perhaps a more serious, ‘getting to know the man behind the blog, his passions, his drive’ type routine. Of course, if seriousness is what one wants, one shouldn’t ask the resident flake of the blogosphere to do the interviewing. But now the deed has been done, and it’s time for the public to pay the heavy price for it. So here you are. Styled after her idol K-Jo and his koffee, and channeling the I-will-get-husky-voiced-for-no-reason-at-all Simi aunty, here’s Mutter with Megha. In conversation with Greatbong.

• A spotless white set. Megha in spotless white, sitting on a spotless white couch, holding a spotless white coffee cup filled with split-pea-soup, just one spotless white towel short of becoming Miss Chamko.
• This part of the program sponsored by Surf
• Good evening! It is lovely to be back. Though the show has a new look (it is finally visible) the flavor of ‘Mutter with Megha’, much like this soup, remains unchanged — monochromatic, bland and with the inevitable queasiness of eating too much plant-protein.

  So let me introduce our guest for today — his intellectual humor and ability to quote Neruda has the ladies swooning, but this legend of the industry is a dedicated father and especially loves to take his kids on long trans-Atlantic plane journeys. Belying his macho image, he is gentle and romantic. Oops, sorry. Wrong script. Um, say hello to .. *looks down at paper* .. Greatbong.

• Greatbong comes in through the spotless white wicker door and sits down as graciously as his suit will allow, while trying to appear all cool and award-winner-like. The spotless white couch behind him glows in the spotlight.
• This part of the program sponsored by Rin
• *with a gentle toss of her glowing hair and flowing dupatta, careful not to turn her split-pea-soup into spilt-pea-soup* How does it feel like to be Indiblogger of the year?
• *looking away SRK style at the ceiling and back at the camera with a shy smile* It feels good, Megha. After all at the end of the day it’s the opinion of the public that matters.
• *with a completely straight face* Dealing with any performance anxiety, are we?
• *SRK-style aaahhh* Maybe you should ask my wife! *smirk at the joke made and looking into the camera self-assuredly*
• This part of the program sponsored by 30 Plus
• *sighs sadly at the mess on the spotless white couch, where a joke just died* So, tell us. Is there pressure to write better?
• Yes definitely. You now have something to live up to. You are no longer the underdog. Not everyone is rooting for you any longer. Yes, *pauses for effect* I would be not entirely truthful if I said that there is no pressure. But as Sreesanth said, pressure and pain are my best friends. Especially after I have had a can of …err mutter.
• *sigh* Okay, time for a serious question ..
• Yess… you know me Megha… apun life ko zyara light leta hain… *looks to side*
• Stephen King advises writers to write to, or for, one person. Do you? And if so, who?
• Oh very simple. I write for myself. I write stuff which I would laugh at if someone else had written it. When I write serious stuff, I write stuff I would like to read but find no one has written it yet.
• So, do your readers ever determine what you write? Do their likes, dislikes and expectations ever influence what gets written in your posts?
• *SRK-ian glance at the camera* If you mean do readers influence the topics on which I post, then no — I write exactly what I feel I have to express. If I have nothing to say, I stay quiet. However if you mean whether readers have influenced the way I structure my arguments, then yes. Without being intellectually dishonest, I give a little more thought before writing something than I would have done maybe 2 years ago. That inherently is not a bad thing though. Sometimes when I look at my old posts I go — eeeks I said that!
• That almost sounds like the GreatBong is trying to be more politically correct of late. But we all know better than to believe that?
• *brows knitted* No not politically correct. Absolutely not. That is one thing I will never be. In fact ever since I started writing this blog I took a decision that I will say exactly what I want (an opportunity you rarely get in the real world of mice and men) — even if it is not often the most fashionable stance to take. But yes, the ceaseless process of feedback and debate has influenced the way I structure my points.
• But does this process of debate and feedback ever change your stand on an issue? I guess I’m asking — does it only make you a better debater, or more amenable to seeing another point of view, as well?
• *calm unemotional voice* Yes it has made me more open to opposing views and I believe that as a person I have become much more tolerant and patient than I was two years ago. I remember the first time on a Ganguly post, someone called me a moron I felt really hurt. Yes I was that immature. Now I can smile it off and even say, ‘Yes that guy really has a point!’ Not that I still do not lose my temper but I am working on it. *mutters inaudibly*
• *glad that he is taking the name of the show very seriously* Would you describe yourself as a person who doesn’t back down from an argument?
• A year ago, I would have said “yes” with a thundering boom. I will still say ‘yes’ but I have also learnt to recognize some arguments that have no resolution… Which does not mean I will not debate but I also know when it is fruitless dragging it on. More importantly I have learnt to understand that staying silent after some time in a debate is not a sign of defeat. I had a bit of a problem accepting that before!
• A more balanced, less-feisty GreatBong. Your fans will not like that, for sure?
• *pouting* Well we will just let my readers decide about my feisty-ness.
• Absolutely. At the end of the day, it is the opinion of the public that matters, as someone said a little while ago.
• Sahee… John janata janardhan.
• Tararam pam pam pam pam, indeed. Speaking of the public that mutters, um, I mean matters, your comments section has seen several ugly wars. Yet you keep it open and unmoderated. Why?
• Simple, Megha-ji. Without comments, RTDM becomes like first-day first-show of Mr Prime Minister. My comments and readers add a lot of value to the content here, like doing karva-chauth while doing group dance enhances quality of pati-dev’s life.. *looks to the side*
• *looks to the side wondering just what is so fascinating there* On a lighter note, lets talk about something you are famous for. Not that precious Indiblogger trophy you are holding and not your animal magnetism either. But humor. Do you think humor gets its due in the Indian blogosphere?
• I would think so. Otherwise where would yours truly be!
• So Paresh Rawal can hope to win the Best Actor award one day?
• Who cares about winning Best Actor, ma’am, when you go home to Swaroop Sampat? Winning, like many other things, depends on your POV.
• One hopes, for your sake, that Mrs Bong likes being compared to Ms Sampat.
• I hope, for my sake, she likes the fact that I want to go home to Ms Sampat.
• Speaking of Mrs Bong and Ms Sampat — with your frequency of writing, and the number of comments you get, where do you find the time for a life outside the blog?
• Simple. I do not have a life. Of course Mrs Bong is not pleased with that state of affairs but I deal with her like I deal with anonymous commenters: I pretend not to hear. Incidentally I always, before publishing, read out the post to her and religiously listen to her feedback.
• Okie. Now for the real stuff. An interview with the Greatbong and no Mithun questions? People must be wondering what the hell I’m smoking.
• Yes we all wondered what those clouds in your blog are for… now we know.
• *tells herself that he is supposed to be a funny blogger, put humor on the Indian blogging map and what not. Realizes that it is best to pretend to laugh at the funnies he attempts, and produces customary chuckle* So onto Mithun. What’s the worst Mithun movie of all time? And why, of course.
• The worst Mithun movie of all time is Citizen Kane because it did not have Mithun in it.
• Now that you are a fancypants-bigshot-blogger, is there going to be an official animal for this blog?
• No thank you ma’am… the only kind of animals that are kosher at RTDM are already “cut” and in “a meat” form.
• Heh heh. Now that sounds much more like a Greatbong sound-byte. It is unfortunate that it also marks the end of our interview. It was a pleasure having you on the show, Greatbong! May your blog doodho nahaao pooto phalo. (Translated: Take bath in milk and produce many fruity baby-blogs.)
• Thank you, Megha. It was fun to be here!
• And now, before we bid adieu, the customary gift hamper — Grandma’s not-so-secret recipe for split-pea-soup, a packet of Surf, and a photo of the fascinating spotless white wall on the side.

  Alright, that’s all for now folks! Be good and give peas a chance!