Like a headache that arrives and never goes,
Or a curbstone that painfully stubs your toes.

Like a jhalak dikhlaajaa from Himesh’s nose,
While Pancham’s music gently flows.

Like a thorn that pricks while sniffing at a rose, (Token cliché firmly in place)
Or a funky dream that ruins your doze.

Like my attempting poetry instead of prose,
Life has interrupted, and rudely soes. (Okay, so that’s not a word. But it rhymes!)

But I’ll be back soon to annoy you, thoughs.
To generate nonsense, and increase your woes.

But now, I goes.

Apollo-Gs for the lack of updates. Enjoy the break while it lasts.

Thanks to a lot of random bloghopping, we’ve noticed a recent trend in the blogosphere that we promptly thought worthy of inflicting upon you. Plus, it coincides with the season and all that humbug. It is our discerning observation that posts being written lately can be classified into the following types —

• The ones trying to share the warm-and-fuzzies —

  “Oooh, looky at the houses and trees so full of lights! The world is happy and bright all around! I am toasting chestnuts over the fire even as I write this. Wheeee!”

• The ones retrospective and contemplative about the year gone by —

  “Another year passes us by and what have we learnt from it? Let us ponder for a moment on how we can make this world a better place ..” *solemn nod of head*

• The ones grumpy and detesting all humanity —

  “Ugh. I hate the holidays. Lovey-dovey couples under the mistletoe. Bleh. I want to strangle Santa with his fuzzy hat. I wish they’d all drown themselves in eggnog. Gaah!”

• The ones who just returned from watching Bluffmaster (2005) —

  “It rocks! Such awesome one-liners! AB looks soooo hot. Nana Patekar rules. And that song Right Here Right Now is so very cool. I can’t stop singing it!” *drool, sigh and other assorted expressions*

Anyhoo, as you can see, we’d be pretty lousy at these types of posts. Although that’s never stopped us from trying our hand at things, we won’t go there today. Instead we are sticking to what we do best. So here goes. A poem, slightly drunk on the holiday spirit that is around us. At least that’s our excuse for why it is so bad, so hush.

Yesh, the rumors are true. My disappearance is very much the work of aliens. But not to worry. Just when they thought they got their grubby paws on me, I fished out my CD of Disco Dancer (1982) — Tarzan (1985) — Kasam Paida Karne Waale Ki (1984) to counter the alien goop thrown at me. News reports state that they were last seen scuttling towards their mothership clinging onto their earmuffs. Oh yesh, Bappi’s music. As the Amex people will tell you — Don’t leave home without it. It can come in handy at the most unexpected times. Anyway, Area 51 is a long way off from home, and so while I’m in transit, here’s a pointless verse about the real reason for my being gaayab from my blog.

By the way, curious koschan. Is it Kasam Paida Karne Waale Ki, as in ‘I swear on the one that gave birth‘, or Kasam Paida Karne Waale Ki, as in the ‘belongs to the one who gave birth to Kasam‘? If it is the latter, then who is this Kasam and why the sense of belonging? Oops, gotta go. I spot an alien.

*exits dancing in shiny silver tights singing in Salma Agha’s voice*

Ye raat mein jo mazaa hai <toink toink>
Mazaa ye kuchh nayaa nayaa hai <toink toink>
Ki tumko aaj kyaa huaa hai <toink toink>
Ki jhoomta hi jaa raha hai ..
Jhoom jhoom jhoom baba~aaaa ..
Jhoom jhoom jhoom baba~aaaa ..
Jhoom jhoom jhoom babaaaaa~aaa aaaaaaaaa ooooo!

It’s meme time! We have been book tagged four times now — by Anshul (yes, I do read your blog, contrary to what you think), by Kaashyapeya (understanding his typical blog post requires two dictionaries and a bottle of scotch) and twice by Dharmendra (an extremely well-read chap, but what is the point of all the books in the world if he didn’t figure out that my not noticing the first tag was an intentional oversight? *ducks for cover*)

So apparently, I give people the impression that I read. Total intellectual-wintellectual types. Ahem ahem. Okay, in their defense and to my credit, I have read. Please to notice the past tense. I was an avid reader as a kid, one of those ‘I will carry my book to the dinner table and read while I eat so I don’t have to look at that eggplant that mom is forcing me to eat‘ types. Substitute eggplant with karela on special occasions. But I was also a weird kid, when it came to what I read. I was a weird kid for several other reasons that are outside the context of this blog, so we won’t go there just yet.

A sample story goes thus — in my 8th grade we were given a book review assignment. A bunch of students wrote reviews of Sweet Valley High books. For those not in-the-know, SWH was a series about these blonde-haired, blue-eyed, perfectly-tanned-in-the-Californian-sun twin sisters and their many boyfriends. These were the junior, less-steamy versions of Mills & Boon romances, so don’t get any wild ideas just ‘cos I mentioned blonde twins.

So — giggly schoolgirls wrote SWH and Nancy Drew reviews, not-so-giggly ones wrote reviews of The Secret Garden, A Little Princess and Anne of Green Gables. And then there was me. What did I pick? We, The People by Nani A Palkhivala. A brilliant man and an exceptional book. But Palkhivala in the 8th grade? Yes, I was definitely a strange kid. As if this was not bad enough, the book made such a big impact on me that I went on to read it four more times. I digress from the topic of this post to include an excerpt of his Vision for India speech, to give you a sample of the man’s writing —

When I was in the United States, I was often asked one question — How does India, with its great human potential and natural resources, manage to remain poor? The correct answer is very unflattering and hardly the type of answer which an ambassador of any country may be expected to give: We are not poor by nature but poor by policy. You would not be far wrong if you called India the world’s leading expert in the art of perpetuating poverty.

So as I was saying, I think book tags/memes are a rather difficult experience for me. A music tag, on the other hand, I’ll take any day. Illusions apart, I don’t read much, so I will naturally crib and whine about the whole exercise. This in turn, will make me look like an ungrateful wretch to the kind souls who tagged me. And then there’s the business of finding some unsuspecting goats to pass on the tag to. More wretchedness. All this, so people get to know what books I own, read and like, something I highly doubt people care to know in the first place. Sigh. Now for the drill —

• Total number of books I own:
  Approximately 400 + 200 at home in India. I haven’t read at least half the books I own, which apparently is typical of a book-lover, so looks like I’m on my way to becoming one. Much coolness. But I do intend to read them all soon. Honest.
• Last book I bought:
  Pre-ordered the sixth HP book — Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Yep, I am one of those.
• Last book I read:
  Asterix at the Olympic Games. Yes Asterix comics count as books. Don’t even think about arguing with that. Not seeming so well-read anymore, are we now?
• Five books I love:
  I usually hate ranking things I love. So I shall pull my ‘it’s against my principles to objectively rank something that is inherently subjective‘ dialogue and chicken out of answering this one. But I must mention Enid Blyton. She is the reason I started to read, and my childhood and imagination are infinitely richer thanks to her. And Zorro! The swashbuckling hero was the primary reason I learnt to ride a horse. Pining for a masked man on a horse to sweep me off my feet was too passé. I wanted to be the flamboyant one *riding* the horse, fighting the baddies and whisking some man off *his* feet. Yes, I told you before — weird kid. Speaking of weird kid, add Calvin and Hobbes to the list. Truly, one of life’s great joys.
• Five people I shall tag (aka Five people who will refuse to visit my blog again):
  This is the fun part! I pass on this tag to —
  1. Rajesh (Unlike me, he actually reads. Expect a liberal sprinkling of Pratchett, Asimov and Douglas Adams in his responses)
  2. Sivani (I see she hasn’t been tagged yet, and if ever there is a blogger who is the very epitome of being well-read, it is her)
  3. aNTi (He got music-tagged but not book-tagged, and he shouldn’t miss out on the simple pleasures of life)
  4. Sriram (He has an opinion on everything and loves to express it, so here’s his chance to put that talent to some good use, for a change)
  5. Deepak (Another avid reader who has been music-tagged. What is this? Everyone gets music-tagged except me. No fair!)
  6. gvenum (He reads even less than I do, and I’d love to see how he deals with this. Hee haw!)
  7. iii (He hasn’t blogged in six months, so am hoping this will wake him up?)

All done. Seven bakras .. er, I mean book-lovers. Yes, I went beyond the stipulated five. I’m so generous no? And if any of you readers would like to answer these questions, just consider yourself tagged and use my commentspace to spread the joy. No, seriously, please do so. It’ll be fun!

Since no post of mine is complete without at least one Bollywood reference — talk of Zorro reminded me of Shahrukh Khan dressed all Zorro-like in the title song of Baazigar (1993) — a most unintentionally howlarious moment in a relatively serious film. Which in turn reminded me of another song from the same movie that seemed appropriate for this post. So for your listening pleasure, I conclude with singing —

*pam pam pam pam papampam pam pam pam pam papampam*
kitaabein bahut sii padhii hongii tumne
magar koii chehraa bhii tumne padhaa hai ..

You may have read many a book, but have you ever read a face? One can find deep fundas in the most unexpected places in Hindi films if one looks closely enough, no? *pam pam pam pam papampam .. *

As we all know, Blogger doesn’t allow post categories and I for one, got tired of waiting for them to change their minds. So I created my own with some hard-coded links. That turned out to be too easy, and as we all know, I love to complicate things. So I proceeded to waste huge gobs of time making cutesy icons that symbolically captured the essence of the category. Yeah, gobbledygook like that. Finally, considering the amount of effort wasted on this seemingly small project, it was only fair that I wrote a poem about it.

At this point you are probably hoping that the length of the poem will be similar to Vivek Mushran’s career, but .. hee haw! It is not. So here you go — some rhyme to waste your time.

Oh and another thing. I got myself listed on some four hundred thirty two different blog directory services — Blogarama, Blogwise, Blogshares, Globe of Blogs, Bloggy Bonk Bonk, Bog of Blogs, We-will-give-you-naming-rights-to-our-first-born-if-you-list-your-blog-with-us.com and so on. So if the Blah section of my blog sidebar looks like Rajesh Khanna’s psychedelic red, green and gold velvet suit from Apna Desh (1972) when he’s singing duniya mein logon ko dhokha kabhi ho jaata hai, please don’t be frightened. I promise to be kinder in the future.